jaejoongdotcom

Pink?

2008-09-15T10:28:29Z

Say no to P.I.N.K
Why?
I look fat in pink.

period.

Arghh!!!

2008-09-11T03:29:58Z

Life is a bitch.

Period.

Nothingness

2008-09-09T03:07:05Z

God I'm PDA wif myself.

Pretty damn angry.

Biarlah Nidji

2008-08-30T19:07:02Z

Biarlah

by Nidji

aku sudah berlari
mengejar yang tak pasti
mengejar kamu.. hanya dirimu..

kulantunkan hidupku
kubisikkan cintaku
hanya untukmu.. hanya untukmu...

tapi engkau terus pergi
tapi engkau terus berlari
jadi biarkanlah aku di sini

biarlah kurela
melepasmu, meninggalkan aku
berikanlah aku
kekuatan untuk lupakanmu

waktu terus bergulir
sakit tetap mengukir
jalan hidupku.. jalan hidupku..

berikanlah jiwamu
berikanlah cintamu
hanya untukku.. hanya untukku

tetapi engkau terus pergi
tapi engkau terus berlari
jadi biarkanlah aku di sini

kau jauh dariku
kau tetap menjauh dari aku.

p/s: This song is REALLY good but i fucking hate the meaning behind it. Shit.

Losing?

2008-08-29T10:41:46Z

I feel like i'm losing everything.

Patience.

Friends.

Temper.

and Love.

wtf.

This unexplainable sweet pain

2008-08-29T06:18:53Z

I loath mysef more than ever now.
I never thought that i will ever be this weak.
This condition that I am in somehow ashamed me.
Somehow,
deep down in my heart
I know what will the result be.
But i still try holding on to silly things
Holding on to any piece of possibility there is.

God please,
I beseech for You strength more than ever now
For I am a weak girl
I beseech for Your help
Any little hope there is for me
Anything at all
That can still plaster a smile on my face

I wake up like everyone else
I dress up like everyone else
I walk along other people
Putting on a smile
Putting on a happy facade
But does anyone know I'm crying inside?
Ah
The hell with it
I've had enough
It's time to make a choice.

This game called love

2008-08-29T00:43:44Z

When anything you wear is never nice enough
When nothing you ever do is good enough
When nothing you say will make any difference
Does that means you are competely defeated?
Well,
Not to this littel soldier.
Nothing will ever burn away my passion
Nothing will chase away my desire
As long as I can picture your smile
I refuse to be defeated in this game called love.

God please help me, I think I'm in love

2008-08-27T00:36:25Z

Love is a tricky business.
Sometimes, the wrong person comes at the right time,
and sometimes the right person comes at the wrong time.
And how do we judge people?
How do we know,
if they are sincere, or perhaps they are just fooling around?

Jaejoong walks towards the cafe.
He enters, looking calm and reserved.
The instant he step his feet in the cafe, he notices the girl at the counter.
She has a long, silky black hair and big round eyes.
Too busy taking orders from the customers, she didn't notice Jaejoong's presence.
Jaejoong clears his throat and walks towards the counter.
The girs notices him fro the first time, and smiles at him.

"Yes sir, may i take your order?"

"Urmmm, yeah, well, yeah. I'll have, urmmm, well, urm... i'll have a flat white.... urm, please."

"One flat white. Ok. Please take a sit, sir."

Jaejoong wants to say something more to her, but she was already asking the customes behind him for her order.
Sowy, he walks towards an empty table at the far corner of the cafe.
He sits there, palms hiding his face, cursing himself for being so rigid and stiff before the one person he truly loves. Yukari.

________________________________________

"Hey Hyung, what's wrong?"

Changmin touches Yunho's shoulder. causing the other to jerk in astonishment.

"Oh, well, nothing's wrong, Min. "

"You seem really distracted these past few days. You know you can tell me if something is wrong, right?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks."

Yunho's mind was racing. It feels like there are thousands of aeroplanes zooming everywhere in his mind, causing him to staggered a little when he stands. How is he to tell his younger brother, Min, that he has fallen in love?
Well, he would likely be happy to hear that, of course. But what if he asks who is the person he is on love with?
What should he say? That he likes a guy? That he likes their neighbour?
No, Min would totally freaks out.
But he can't seem to hold this feeling any longer.
The insides of his stomach burns with a warm fire every time he sees him.
The blood pumping in his vessels seems to pump to his face whenever he hears his soft voice.
Hos heart seems to beat twice as fast when that person looks at him.
But of course, he doesn't know. He doesn't know that he has these effects on Yunho, the once strong and reserved guy.

_____________________________________________

It is Sunday morning, and Jaejoong wakes up early to finish his chores.
He is taking out the rubbish when he hears his neighbour bids him good morning.

"Morning, Jaejoong."

"Oh, morning, Yunho"

"You are up early today."

"Well, i got a lot of stuff to do. Haha..."

"Need any help?"

"Nah, I'm okay."

"Well, if you say so."

"Thanks anyways..."

Jaejoong continues his task, walking towards the large rubbish bin outside his apartment.
When he walks back, he finds Yunho still standing on the same spot .

"Yes. Yunho?"

"Kim Jaejoong, I think I love you."

Jaejoong feels like he is hearing things so he just laugh and covers his mouth. He couldn't possibly hear that right. The ever famous JUng Yunho, whom all girls in the neighbourhood would like to date, couldn't possibly like him.

"Oh Yunho, i think i heard you wrong. What did you say again? I thought i heard you said you love me. Hahaha...."

Yunho just stands there, eyes locked on the ground.

"Yunho? What did you said to me?

"Oh, nothing, Jae. It's not really important anyways. Well, i guess i'll see you around!"

"Okay. See you."

Yunho forces a smile on his lips when he bids Jaejoong goodbye. Only God knows how he is crying inside.
He doesn't need to know what Jaejoong's answer would be. He can already predict it.

____________________________________________

Yunho is ying on his back, thinking about his current state. Suddenly his cellphone rings.

"Hi, oppa... This is me, Yukari."

"Yeah. What's the matter?"

"Urmmm, well, do you want to go out sometimes? You know, have lunch or watch a movie together?"

"I'm sorry. I'm really busy lately. Bye."

With that he ends the conversation. He has no interest in Yukari, whom according to his friends, is the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood. He has his eyes only on one person. Jaejoong.

He continues with his thoughts, until his cellphone rings again.

"Hello, Yunho speaking."

"Hi Yunho. Are you busy today? Do you think we can meet up somewhere?
I have something to talk to you about."

"Okay then. What about Amami Park, at 5pm?"

"Okay. See you there!"

click.
Yunho fees like he has stopped breathing.
Jaejoong, of all people, is asking to meet him?
He smiles to himself.
Maybe God has finally answered his prayers.

______________________________________________

At the park...

"Hey, Yunho, sorry for being late. I missed the bus just now. Hahaha..."

Jaejoong laughs, covering his mouth with one hand.
Yunho wonders if Jaejoong has the slightest idea of this action has an effect on him.

"It's okay, Jae. So waht are you gonna talk to me about?"

"Oh, well, it's about you, me and.... well..."

Yunho smiles at the mention of this.

"..... Yukari."

"Yukari?"

Yunho feels like his chest was ripped open and his heart was crushed. He tries to keep cam but he can feel his fist shaking.

"Yeah, Yukari. I sort of... ike her. I know people keep talking about you and her but i asked Changmin the other time and he said that you two are not a couple...or anything like that. So i thought that you two are probbay cose, and , we, could you introduce us?"

Jaejoong finishes his sentence, blushing all the while.

"I...well...I..."

"Is it too much to ask for? I'm sorry Yunho, I..."

"No, Jae. It's okay. I can introduce the two of you."

"Thanks Yunho! You are the greatest friend!"

Yunho forces yet another smile from his lips. But he couldn't keep on going any longer so he bites his lips instead.
He tastes blood, the sweet taste of defeat.

Sometimes, when you have someone, you have to let him go.
let him have all the happiness he ever dreams of.
Let him be free.
Let him go.
Just let him be.
Even if it kills you inside.

_End_

Mr A ohh Mr A

2008-08-26T21:34:14Z

What do u do when u can't stop thinking about someone?
i feel...
lost
hopeless
and
lonely
Mr A ohh Mr A
when will you notice me?
well at least u agreed 4 a dinner together.
u probably would think that:
"oh it's a dinner with a friend."
haha
life is really funny right?

God please help me, I think i'm in love

2008-08-26T02:43:20Z

Have you ever felt like the world has suddenly stop revolving?
that was how i felt when i saw him for the first time.
blue and white striped shirt, with a navy coloured long sleeve inside.
soft face, small voice, relaxed posture, long legs.
i can never describe what i felt at that moment.
Things start to blurr away and i my pupils only focus on him.
Him and only him.
the tricky part is that he doesn't even know that i'm here.
here, pretty much alive, watching.
watching his every move because they seem so pure, so real, so majestic.
The songs he sings, the melody he plays
they ring in my ear everyday
every single moment
Things didn't turn out very well for me after that.
No chit chats, no nothing.
Until recently.
God i really hope things will go well.
I hate to admit that i'm defeated,
Lost in a game called love.
I hate you,
i curse you all the time,
but that is because i'm so in love with you
i'm so in love with you that i cry every night in my sleep
i'm so in love with you that i loath seeing people being happy when i'm not
ssshhhh....
i'm here to tell you
there is someone i'm in love with
event hough i can't be with him right now
i still love him.

My Unnie...

2008-02-13T17:29:20Z

My unnie is on a flight to Australia as we (speak?), and i'll be heading to New Zealand on Wednesday.
I'm just sooo sad! =(
I mean, we won't be able to see each other for, maybe, 2 years!
(unless i travel to Aussie. we'll c about that! XD)
But i'm feeling really depressed now, as all my best friends are leaving me 1 by 1 to further their studies.
(plus i'm going to part with my family. *sob *sob*)
This post is a tribute to miszbee, greatest unnie of them all! XD

Ok, back to the point.
I want to write another fic, but i may ended up writing another angst/death fic.
So, what do u think?
Should i write?
Should i not?
What should i write?
What should i not write?
Am i weird?
Ok, the last 1 doesn't count.
I'm so messed up right now... X(
Will someone please help me?
Someone?
Anyone???

(p/s: Thanks for those who have supported my fics! Love u all!!!)

Top 10 Reasons Why Jaejoong Is A Hottie! (As if u can't already see...duh~)

2008-02-11T06:18:49Z

10. He has a GREAT sense of humor. A guy needs to have e great sense of humor, so people around him will not die of boredom, am i right? Seriously, sometimes he doesn't even know that he's making a joke! (And that is so cute!)

9. Just look at those beautiful, flawless skin. Need i say more?

8. He is a GREAT cook. Hell, he is the only cook in DBSK. Come on, seriously. how many guys can cook that well?

7. His great body. He may not be as muscular as Changmin or as flexible as Yunho, but u can't deny that piece of meat is soooo hot!

6. He has good personal skill. After all, he is labelled as the 'Band Umma', right? So he is good at communicating with people and that makes him loveable!

5. He is never boring. I mean, sometimes, during certain interviews, he might seemed cold and he didn't talk much. But hey, a guy has to do what a guy has to do to look dashing, right? But i think you agree with me, that most of the time, he is just plain fun!

4. He can dance really well. I think those who have been to their Malaysia concert last year will totally agree. Trust me, the guy is a great dancer, but sometimes he moves lazily.... =) But still, a great dancer!

3. He is dedicated to his career. I know, all of the members are. I didn't say they aren't did i? Anyways, he works hard in becoming a singer until he injures himself! Oh, why, Jaejoong, why?

2. He accessorize well. Accessories is just so important to him, and he takes them really seriously. And he has done a good job at that, too. Those necklaces, bangels, etc, etc. He has a good sense of fashion, too.

1. I'm out of reason, really. But don't you just want to marry him when you see him? I did. And still hoping to. =) So let's just all drown in those big, beautiful eyes... *drooling*

P/S: This is just a random post. I meant no harm or offence in writing this. If you like it, leave a comment please~~~ =)

Here are some cute pics of the guy we were talking about~

OneShot: Why Are You Crying?

2008-02-09T02:04:06Z

“Why are you crying?” The little skinny boy, not more than 5, asks the other boy who is sitting alone under a huge oak tree, head between his knees, sobbing madly.

“Uuuhhh…uuhh…They called me a girl!” The crying boy answers, fat tears strolling down his chubby cheek. He is wearing a branded shirt with an expensive pair of jeans which is now full of dirt. The image is totally opposite of the other boy, who is skinny, and only had a pair of dirty shorts and grubby looking shirt, stained with a few yellow spots.

“Ummm…” The skinny boy ruffles his already messy hair, “Here, have some of my candy.” The dirty looking boy continues, breaking his stick candy into half.

“Thanks!” The other boy had stopped crying and is starting to suck the candy given to him.

The skinny boy knells opposite of the plump one.

“You’re welcome. My name is Park Yoochun. What’s yours?” He flashes a very bright smile.

“I’m Kim Jaejoong.”

“Jaejoong, wanna be friends?” The dirty looking boy beams, offering his bony hand to the other.

“Sure!” the other answers happily, taking the offered hand with his own plump one, running along as Yoochun guides him to the playground.

The hospital hallway is so crowded. People are walking by, passing him, but he sits there as a statue. He didn’t even turn to look as someone calls his name.

“Excuse me, Mr. Kim? Mr Kim?” An elderly nurse has to raise her voice in order to gain his attention.

“Yes?” He answers back, looking rather tired.

“I think you should go back and rest first. The doctor is not going to allow any visitors at this hour, and we are still trying our best to…”

“I’m staying.” Is his final answer.

“But he is still in a coma….”

“I’m staying.” He repeats the same answer, more firmly this time.

“As you wish.” And a few moments later, the nurse is gone.

He continues to stare at the floor. He never thought things will turn out this way. He never notice anything strange. He is such a bad friend, he thought.

The vibration of his cell phone distracts him. He takes it out and see the caller ID. Mommy. He hesitates for a few moments before answering the call.

“Yes Mommy…”

“Jaejoong? Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet? It’s already 4 in the morning, for god’s sake!” His mother’s worried voice can be heard on the other line.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. I’m at the hospital…”

“What??The hospital? What happened to you?”

“Nothing mom…It’s just that my friend is hospitalized and I’m here to look after him since his family hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Your friend? Who? Is it ShiWon? ChangMin? HanKyung?”

“No, not them, mom…”

“Then, who?”

“…………..”

“It’s that poor friend of yours, right? How many times do I have to tell you, Kim Jaejoong, don’t mingle with people like them?! God knows what they….”

“Mom, I’ll get home soon. Bye.” With that, he hangs up ignoring his mother’s furious voice on the other line. He didn’t have the time to listen to his mother nagging about how he shouldn’t befriend certain people. He is 21, for God’s sake, and he knows what he is doing.

He takes the battery of his phone off. The last thing he need now is a lecture from his mother. All he need is silence and tranquillity. He closes his eyes. The old memory washes back to him, like the wave washes the shore.

(10 YEARS BEFORE)

“Hey, what’s the big deal, Chunnie?”

“Oh, hyung, You’re here. I didn’t hear you coming.”

“So why the sulking face?” Jaejoong turns to face his best friend. They are sitting under an old cherry blossom tree at the school ground, having their lunches. Jaejoong’s is an expensive-looking bento with three compartments that are filled with expensive meat, fish, seafood and such. Yoochun’s is a much smaller one, containing only two pieces of onigiri. “Come, switch. “ Jaejoong take Yoochun’s bento and give him his. “I feel like eating onigiri today.”

Yoochun did as told, giving Jaejoong his bento and taking the big one from Jaejoong. But he didn’t touch his food. “Nah, nothing.”

“Sure? You have never been this depressed.”

“……”

“Hey, talk to me.”

“It’s just, my mom.”

“Why? She isn’t well?”

“The doctors confirmed her disease. It’s blood diseaseShe is not opening her eyes anymore…” Yoochun says, tears threatening to escape his eyes.

Jaejoong only manages to look at his friend and puts his arms around the other’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry. I’ll help with the bills so that we can put her in the best hospital.”

“No, Jae. The last thing I want to do is to take a cent from you.”

“But Chunnie, it’s for your mother…”

“No, Jae. Thanks for everything you have done, but, no.”

At that moment, a school bully and his sidekick, along with a couple of giggling girls, walk past them. They have been loathing Jaejoong for being a son to the most successful businessman in Japan. Jaejoong doesn’t talk much, so they mistaken him for bring a show off. And they never liked Yoochun either, as he is the only friend Jaejoong has in the school.

“My, my. Look who’s here.” The largest among them, Jaejoong assume as the leader, approaches the two friends.

“What do you want?” Jaejoong tries to brush them off, but to no avail.

“Watch your mouth, Kim. Just because you are a pretty boy…” the girls giggle like mad at this comment, sending him flying kisses behind the bullies’ backs “…doesn’t mean that I won’t kick your ass!”

“Whatever.” Jaejoong faces the other way. He has always been calm and reserved when he faces these guys. He never sees the point of arguing with people who doesn’t have any brain.

“Park, you never knew your place, didn’t you? What do you get from sucking up to this bastard? Money? Fame?Or perhaps, you are giving him personal service?” They large boy continues, smirking in delight at his last comment. The girls gasp and continue to giggle like fools.

“That’s it!” Jaejoong screams. He couldn’t take it anymore. It’s okay if they insult him, but not Yoochun. No one insults his best friend, especially in fron of him, especially at a time like this, when he is sad.

The large boy tumbles backward as Jaejoong’s punch hit his left check.

“Jae, no! stop!” Yoochun pulls the elder away, trying to stop another attack of Jaejoong’s fist towards the bully’s face and stomach. Jaejoong stops and gets up, dusting the dust on his pants. The side kick just look at Jaejoong, too afraid to even move.

His nose bleeding, lips bruised, his cheek is now blue, the bully managed to make an offensive gesture towards Jaejoong before shouting, “I’ll get you for this, bastard!” With that, they run to the school building.

The next day, Jaejoong’s parents were called to the school and he had been suspended from school for two weeks for causing a fight. His mother had been really angry, suspecting that Yoochun was the one who influenced her son to be that violent. Jaejoong just remains silent, ignoring her mother’s nagging.

He smiles to himself at the bittersweet memory. How he loves the days of their high school years. He remembers how they used to protect each other with their own lives and never fail to help each other out.

Yoochun was weak in sports but good in study. Jaejoong was weak in study but good in sport. So they help each other out, until the both of them become the best students in the school. The also managed to enter the same university, with Yoochun receiving a scholarship. Girls, from kindergarten, to high school, to university, envy them so much for being able to be on one’s another side.

“Friendship…” Jaejoong whispers to himself. He thought about those lonely days where his father had been abroad most of the time, doing business trip. And how his mother had been in the office all day, managing the business. As an only child, he had no other sibling to play with. The day he met Yoochun was the happiest day of his life. He never thought that someone would offer to become his friend.

He thought about how Yoochun always want to stand on his own two feet.

Yoochun never, not even once, take Jaejoong’s generous offer of money. Even though his family is stricken with poverty, with his abusive father, cancer suffering mother and a younger brother who needs a lot of money to enter high school, Yoochun never complaints. Not even once. He works night and day, despite his hectic schedule at the university, to support his mother’s medical bills and his brother’s tuition funds. And that what makes Jaejoong so proud of his friend.

(4 HOURS BEFORE)

“Mr. Kim, you are not his family, are you?” the doctor asks, looking at Jaejoong with soft brown eyes.

“No, but I am his best friend. I was the one who brought him to the hospital. I can’t contact his father and his mother is sick at the moment.”

“Well, I guess I have to talk to you.”

“Is it serious, doctor? Why did he suddenly faint during lecture?” Jaejoong asks, concern genuine in his shaky voice. “Lack of rest?” he added, without thinking, hoping it would be true.

“How I hope it was just due to lack of rest. You see, Mr. Kim, your friend is suffering from a severe disease. Kidney failure. Critical stage. And he did not faint, Mr. Kim. He fell into a come because of too much stress on his already weak body.”

Jaejoong couln’t speak. Tears gather in his big brown eyes, threatening to fall. He couldn’t even breathe properly as he feels the air in his chest tie into a knot, blocking his breathing. Kidney failure? That can’t be true. Yoochun has always been so cheerful, so happy, so…healthy. Why? How?

“I’m thinking that he had never been diagnosed before, so that’s why it has been this critical. An operation might save him. But we need to wait until he gains consciousness. And the list for suitable donor is way too long. But we can still try. That’s the only option we have. ” the doctor explains. He sits there next to Jaejoong, trying to comfort the shocked man. After a few minutes, he leaves after he is called to the ICU.

“Chunnie…” Jaejoong sobs, tears are now trailing his soft cheek. “I’m sorry…”

The next morning, Jaejoong wakes up suddenly when someone shakes his shoulder gently.

“Mr. Kim, you should go back and rest. I told you, your friend is not going to be awake anytime soon…We will call you if he wakes up later.” It was the elderly nurse from last night.

“Can I visit him before I go?”

“Ok, but just for 5 minutes.”

“Thanks.”

He slowly stands up and winces at the pain in his back. He takes a few steady breaths before starting his way to Yoochun’s room.

When he arrives at the front of Yoochun’s room, he stands still for a couple of minutes before entering the room.

As soon as he opens the door, the sight before him makes him wants to weep. Yoochun lays on the bed, breathing steadily, with thousands of wires injected and stuck around his thin figure. Jaejoong takes a sit next to his best friend and start to talk to him.

“Chunnie, I’m sorry. Sorry for not being able to be a good friend…” He pauses and takes Yoochun’s hand.

“I’ll take care of your mother and your brother. Don’t worry. You just get better soon.”

Jaejoong sits there, looking at his best fried for the longest moment, without saying anything. A few minutes later, the nurse from before knocks the door, signalling that the visiting time is over. Jaejoong squeezes Yoochun’s hand and promise to come back. After saying goodbye, he walks out of the door.

He drives slowly to his house. When he reaches the house, the family caretaker greets him with a warm smile.

“Good morning, young master. Mrs. Kim was so worried about you last night…” But Jaejoong just walk straight into his room, avoiding anyone that wants to talk to or greet him.

In his bedroom, he takes off his clothes and shower. Then, he gets ready for a proper sleep and slumps on his bed, thinking how Yoochun is doing now.

The frantic knock on his bedroom door disturb his thinking. He groans and wakes up slowly from his bed and opens the door lazily.

It is his mother.

“Jae, where were you last night?” She sounds rather angry.

“I told you, I was at the hospital…Attending to my sick friend.”

“Your sick friend? That poor friend of yours?”

“Mom, I’m tired. Can we discuss this later?”

“Are you going to skip your classes today?”

“Yeah, I already called my lecturer. Don’t worry about it.”

“KIM JAEJOONG! How can I not worry if you are befriending that violent, good-for-nothing boy??!!!”

“Mom, how many times do we have to do this? He is not what you think he is.”

“Why can’t you befriend someone better like JunSu or ChangMin or HanKyung? You make me worry all the time!”

“Of course they are my friends too, but so is Yoochun. Mom, please, I need some rest. I’m too tired to argue with you now.”

Taking pity at his son’s pale and tired face. Mrs. Kim decides to leave the matter alone for now. “Look what has he done to you.” She says, before leaving the room.

Jaejoong removes his shirt. He lays on his bed for a few moments, wondering how can his mother not seen the real person Yoochun is. Is it because he is poor? How can money be the most important thing nowadays?

He falls asleep, swallowed by his own unanswered questions.

He wakes up in the middle of the darkness. Sweating heavily, he tries to breathe steady.

The room is already dark now. He didn’t notice that he had fall asleep all through the day. He looks at the bedside clock. 8.50 p.m.

He undresses and covers himself with a piece of milky white towel. He gets into the bathroom and takes a quick shower. The cold water feels relaxing against his hot body. It is summer, and the weather is unusually hot today.

After cleaning his body and make sure he feels fresh, he walks out of the bathroom. He sits on the side of his bed, drying his jet black hair. He takes his time to get dressed and when he is done, he gets out of the room, holding a thick book.

He got down and when one of the maids greets him, he just gives her a smile. When he walks past the living room, he is surprised to find his parents sitting there, watching the television.

At first he had wanted to avoid any conversation with them, but his mother had noticed him.

“Jae, had your dinner already? Are you feeling better now?” He knows that his mother loves him. Being the only child in the Kim family, he had been showered with love and attention since he was little. Not to mention all the materials things he got too. But he has been lonely since he was small, as people do not dare to befriend him because of his father high reputation.

“Are you going out?” His father asks with a stern voice. He had never had a good relationship with his father. He is rarely been at home and they seldom talk to each other.

His father had been really strict in educating him, up to the point of smothering him. He decides what course Jaejoong takes at the university, who he hangs out with, where he should hang out with and such trivial matters. He wants Jaejoong to look good in the society’s point of view. And of course, befriending Yoochun is not in his plan.

Jaejoong has always been extremely interested in music, and he planned to continue his studies in the music field at the university. But his father had strongly objected his choice and decides that he should take law instead.

At first, he refused to obey his father’s command. After been persuaded by his mother, he finally agrees. The only good thing that came out of his father’s choice is that he is taking the same course as Yoochun, whose dream since little is to be a lawyer.

He never tells this little secret to his parents, though, fearing that they might force him to change course after knowing that he is in the same course as Yoochun.

“Yes, I am.”

“Where?”

“Dad, I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“But you are still my son. Don’t talk back to me!” His father’s voice suddenly gets loud.

“Now only you notice that??!!!” The anger inside Jaejoong suddenly bursts. His father is rarely at home, and now he is questioning where he goes? Since when does he care?

“Jaejoong!” His father’s anger now matches his own.

He stomps out of the room, ignoring his father calling his name and his mother frantic plea so that he comes back. He had enough of this house. He never feels happiness. Real happiness. He never receives a proper father’s love as his father is always not at home. His mother takes care of his well being once in a while, if she is not too busy at the office or doing her shopping.

He drives his red Aston Martin out of the house and into the darkness. He needs to go to some place. The only place on earth that can keep him calm, whenever he feels miserable.

Jaejoong sits on the soft sand, his car’s light is the only source of light. Earlier, he had planned to go to his friend’s bar, to relax and finish his book. But after what happened between him and his father, the last thing he would want now is to be at a place full of people. He decided to come to the beach instead, the only place on earth that can keep him calm.

The beach is empty, considering it is already quite late at night. During the day, the beach is always full, but late at night, it is empty and lifeless. That is why Jaejoong loves the beach at night. Being in the big empty house all his life, he has learnt to be comfortable in his own silent world. But Yoochun managed to break that world he has been so occupied with. Yoochun alone, who manages to show him that there is more to life than just shutting yourself in your own world.

He lies on his back. Closing his beautiful eyes, he wonders how Yoochun is doing. Kidney failure? It still sounds impossible to him.

He starts to regret being a bad friend. How could he not notice? The occasional stomach pain, the allergies Yoochun has towards certain food, the pale face….He starts to regret everything, but he realizes that it is too late. There is nothing he can do now. Nothing.

His tears starts to fall down, and he is consumed by his own guilt. Then he realizes, maybe there is something he can do. He just lays there for the next hours, not moving an inch, hundreds of thoughts in his burdened mind.

It has been two weeks since Jaejoong had the fight with his father and left home just like that.

He woke up on the hospital bed, feeling a little pain stabbing his stomach. He tries to get up to get something to drink as his throat feels extremely dry.

“Mr. Kim, you need to lie down.” A nurse holds him back from getting up.

“Water…” He says, or rather, croak, as his voice is husky and rough.

The nurse senses his immediate need of water and pours him a glass. She then reminds him not to move too much. Then, she leaves the room, leaving Jaejoong staring at the high ceiling.

His throat is too dry for him to talk. So he just lay there, thinking to himself. How is he now? Did he make it?

Suddenly a feeling of curiosity sweeps all over him. He forgets to ask the nurse. Did he make it? Is he alright? Where is he now? Is he awake?

Thousand of questions are dancing in his mind.

Fully ignoring the nurse’s reminders, he gets up from his bed, rather slowly.

His stomach is burning in pain, but that doesn’t stop him from getting out of the bed.

He stumbles a bit when he takes his first step. But still, he continues.

He gets out of the room, into the empty hallway. Slowly, he makes his way to the counter.

“The room of Park Yoochun, please.” The nurse types something on the keyboard and a few moments later she says “Room 303, level 5.”

Jaejoong walks slowly to the elevator. This hospital is so big and he is pretty sure he will have difficulty in finding room number 303.

The elevator arrives and he gets in. Pushing the number 5 button, he watches as the light of the buttons move from 2, to 3, to 4, and finally stops at 5.

He gets out of the lift, clutching his stomach. His eyes start to water. The searing pain is almost unbearable, but he is determined to know how his friend‘s condition.

Maybe it is just his luck, or maybe God just pity him. The first room he sees after getting out of the elevator is room 301. Then 303 must be nearby. He walks a few other steps and finally he is standing in front of room 303.

He slowly enters, not wanting no make any sudden noise. The sight before him startled him. He feels like he ha stopped breathing.

There are three nurses and one doctor standing next to the bed. The doctor is scribbling something onto a piece of paper. The other two nurses are talking to each other, whispering. And the last nurse is holding a piece of white cloth, covering a lifeless figure on the bed.

“What happened?” Jaejoong demands, clutching hard his stomach, as the pain seems to double up.

“Mr. Kim! What are you doing here? You should be resting!” The doctor leaps at him, helping him to stand up as he is now sloping to sides.

“What happened? Where is Yoochun??!” He demands his answer this time, rather strongly.

“He…” The doctor begins, then stops.

“What the hell happened to Yoochun??!!!” This time, he shouts out his demand. He really needs an answer now.

“We tried our best, Mr. Kim…”

“What do you mean? You said mine was compatible!!!” He is now shouting in frustration. People walking outside of the room poke their heads once in a while to find out what the commotion is all about.

“Please keep calm, Mr. Kim. Your wound is not fully healed yet. You just got out of operation less than 3 hours, for God’s sake…”

“Who cares about me? What happened?”

“I know I said that your kidney was compatible with his. We had it diagnosed and it was compatible. But I’m afraid that his condition was too frail. I told you, we had a 50-50 chance, didn’t I? And him being in a coma doesn’t make it any better either. He didn’t make it. He died an hour after the operation. I’m sorry, Mr. Kim…”

Jaejoong is speechless. He slumps onto the floor with a loud thud, regarding the doctors’ support. Tears sting his eyes. He didn’t know whether it is because of the hellish pain in his stomach or the sadness from losing his only true friend.

One of the nurses lifts the white cloth covering Yoochun’s lifeless body. This time, he is sure he stopped breathing. Yoochun’s lifeless body lies on the bed. His face pale, his lips almost blue. His eyes closed, as if tired of seeing everything in his pitiful life. His fingers seem cold and numb, so as his body. But there is a small smile formed on his lips, as if he has no regret leaving this cruel world. Jaejoong closes his eyes, and the last thing he hears is the doctor’s frantic shout asking for the nurses’ help to lift his unconscious body.

Jaejoong lies in the hospital bed, looking extremely pale and tired. He is too shocked about what had happened earlier. He has not been talking to anyone, even ignoring his parents when they came to visit him earlier, after the doctor gave them a call saying he has internal bleeding after an operation that they don’t even know about.

The pain he feels is nothing compared to what Yoochun has been going through, he thought. And he feels bad being the only friend Yoochun has, but unable to protect him. He feels guilty, useless.

The memories he cherishes all these time, comes floating back to him. And now, he will cherish the memory even more, knowing that the essence of the memory itself has left the world for eternity. He lets his tears soak the hospital pillow, not caring about anything anymore. He smiles despite his flowing tears. He remembers, many many years ago, someone had asked him a question he will never forget all his life.

“Why are you crying?”

“Uuuhhh…uuhh…They called me a girl!”

“Ummm, here, have some of my candy.”

“Thanks!”

“You’re welcome. My name is Park Yoochun. What’s yours?”

“I’m Kim Jaejoong.”

“Jaejoong, wanna be friends?”

Type your cut contents here.

-The End-

OneShot: Visited by Death

2008-02-09T02:02:01Z

Yunho walks over to the living room. He though he see someone playing with the PS2. The youngest man grins at him, waving his hand frantically, telling the leader he has beaten the boss monster. He blinks. The image is suddenly gone. No one.

He walks to the kitchen. For a moment he thought he saw a glimpse of someone making dinner and smiling serenely at him. The oldest points at the stove and smile, gesturing him to wait for a few more minutes. He blinks. But there is no one. He lets out a disappointed sigh.

He walks towards his bedroom. Their shared bedroom. He can see that the beds are not made up. Everything is so messy, all over the place.

At the dressing table, his reflection seems pathetic. His hair is everywhere. He didn’t bother to shave, too. He looks older, skinnier, and most importantly, pathetic.

He scribbles something on a paper and leaves it on the bedside table. This is the last thing he will probably write, he thought. His last request.

The soft wind from the opened window enters the room and slaps his face playfully.

He drags hiss heavy feet towards the balcony.

He remembers, how many times did he used to think about jumping off of this balcony? Twenty times a day? He can’t even remember anymore. Numbers seems so insignificant now. He remembers the one time he actually tried. It hurts, he remembers. But he gets nothing but a sprained ankle and a few nasty bruises. And still, he is here today. The only chance to escape this harsh world is gone. God just wasn’t ready to take him yet, he reasons with himself.

His stomach grumbles. But he didn’t feel like eating at all. He has stopped taking food for almost a week now. He faints every now and then, for not having enough energy. But he didn’t care. Eating doesn’t seem important to him anymore. His body is thin as a skeleton. But he didn’t care.

He closes his eyes. He feels like crying, but no tears come out. Guess he has cried his last tears out. But he didn’t care.

He refuses to see anyone these days. He didn’t even gets out of the house. Even work doesn’t seems important anymore. He didn’t show up at work for almost a month now. He hopes he is fired. He never wants to go to that place anymore. It just brings painful memories. Memories he wishes to forget.

The rain starts to pour. Great, he thought. The rain. He remembers how much the other man likes the rain. Wet, and cold. But great. The second youngest always loves the being in rain. He loves the rain, too. But somehow, today, it makes him feels sad, lonely.

He walks towards the bed and slumps on it. He remembers, the third eldest used to wrestle him on the same bed. They love to tackle and hit each other playfully with pillows, until the youngest would show up, telling them to stop acting like kids and grow up, but then participate in the pillow fight nonetheless, laughing as hard as he can after hitting the other two. Then the eldest and the second youngest would enter the room to find out what all the noise is about, and then just smile looking at the three men smiling sheepishly on the bed, pillows everywhere.

Another day, with nothing to do. Another day, with no one to be with. Another horrible day he has to face alone.

He should have died, he thought. He should have been the one dead, not them.

He closes his eyes. They feel heavier by the time. The nightmare flashes through his mind. The memory he has been trying to hide all this while. The dream he dreads. But he is seeing it all, dreaming it all. Vividly.

Jaejoong has volunteered to take his place to go to the dry cleaner to pick their clothes. It was his turn, but he had such a busy schedule with the choreographer earlier that he forgot to pick the clothes up after work.

So the kind and understanding eldest member volunteered to go. And Yoochun wanted to drive, since they are going by his car and he never let anyone drive it. Junsu tags along to help Jaejoong with the clothes because it might be too heavy, as they were too busy and didn’t have the time to send their clothes to the dry cleaner for two whole weeks. And Changmin just jumps into the car at the last moment, just so that he can buy an ice cream on their way back home.

He remembers their face. Jaejoong was smiling, telling him, it’s what friends are for, when he enters the car, while Yoochun is pouting, mumbling something about taking their own car. Junsu was seriously telling him to get some rest and Changmin promised he will buy the leader some ice cream too, smiling happily as if he has never faced any hardship.

He opens his eyes. Everything is in a big blur. He takes his time to adjust to the total darkness that is threatening to consume him. It’s already night, he whispers.

The dream again. The one he loathes so much. The dream that comes to visit him every time he closes his eyes. Every day, and every night. For one whole month.

He gets up from the bed. He clicks on the light switch. The house became bright all of a sudden.

He walks towards the kitchen to get something to drink. His throat feel dry.

The opens the fridge and find only a couple of eggs and a pickle jar. No liquid to drink whatsoever. He closes the door, feeling tired again. Helpless.

He walks towards the living room. The five couches which used to be filled at this time of day are empty. He sits on his usual place. He can see the other four fighting for the remote control. They can be so childish at times, he thought. But to his horror, when he blinks, there is no one except himself.

He hangs his head low. Then, the phone rings, killing the silence in the room. He didn’t bother to pick it up. He wonders who might that be. The answer machine tells him. It is their manager. He tells him to show up at the studio tomorrow, and be a pro. There is a total firmness in his voice.

So a pro isn’t a human, then? A pro can’t feel sadness? He loathes the way their manager always thinks about performances, concerts, shows. They need a break sometimes. But he always tells them what to do. What to say. How to feel. They tried to tell him, that they need a break, they are human too, they are totally tired. But he never listens. That is just the way he is.

He ignores the machine. He sits there, in total silence, looking at the front door. He can see the four members walking into the house, looking tired and exhausted. They still have their concerts costumes on. Yoochun was complaining about their hectic schedule while Changmin was moaning various names of food. Junsu is massaging Jaejoong’s shoulder and the eldest just look around, telling everyone that they have done a really good job earlier at the concert. He smiles at the sight before him, but when he blinks, everything is all gone. As always.

The phone rings again. He groans at the disturbing sound. The machine does it’s job the second time, recording the voice of Jaejoong’s mother. She wants Yunho to go see her and talk about the dreadful tragedy. She has always been a mother to all the members. She takes really good care of them, as if they are her own sons.

But he didn’t move. He feels too tired. Maybe because he haven’t eaten anything for such a long time. How long was it? He can’t even remember himself. Or maybe this is the way he really is. Not manly, not fit enough to be a leader. Yes, he must have been weak and vulnerable all along.

He never thought that guilt can make a person so miserable. He feels powerless, vulnerable and alone. He remembers a book he used to read during his teenage years. The one Jaejoong lent him. The title of the book was ‘Guilt, the Most Painful Companion of Death’. It’s a true story about a father who lives in guilt after accidentally kills his own son. He never actually believes it. But now he knows. Perhaps, guilt is the most painful companion of death.

He whispers the band’s name. Dong Bang Shin Ki. It sounds weird coming out of his dry lips. Then, he falls into the familiar darkness, the world he knows.

He sends the four of them off. Changmin is waving frantically from behind the driver’s seat, his head stuck outside the windows. Yoochun starts the car. Junsu is telling Changmin to stay still, pulling the youngest back into the car. When the car finally moves, Jaejoong shouts something that sounds like ‘We’ll be back soon!’

He smiles and shout back ‘Take care!’

He never thought that that was the last time he’ll be seeing them again.

He enters the house, feeling exhausted.

He never thought that the work he has earlier will consume all of his energy.

He feels rather hungry. He didn’t have the time to eat all day, so its only natural his stomach is grumbling in protest.

He walks to the kitchen. He finds two unwashed empty bowls on the dinner table. This must be Changmin’s and Yoochun’s, he though to himself. He chuckles at the though of Jaejoong nagging the two of them to wash their own plate. They would pretend to obey him. But then, they will bully Junsu to wash their plates for them.

He sits on the kitchen counter and finds a bowl of home-cooking kimchi ready to be eaten. He smiles at how thoughtful Jaejoong can be sometimes. He has been the one cooking for them all this while, after Changmin voice out that outside food is not healthy and not enough.

He eats the kimchi and takes the unwashed two empty bowls on the table to the sink and cleans them up. He then sits at the sofa, wondering what is taken the other four so long since the dry clean shop is only a ten minutes drive.

He finds the remote control and switch on the tv.

A phone call startled him. He picks up the phone and the manager’s frantic voice greets him. The news isn’t good at all. It was dreadful. He was so shocked, he thought he will never felt as shocked as that all his entire life.

He opens his eyes. Still dark. He focuses his vision.

The same empty apartment greets him. The air is now cold, chill, eerie. He looks at the ceiling. White. Nothing but white. He feels a terrible headache. He clutches his head in an attempt to reduce the pain, but to no avail. So he just ignores the pain that is searing through his head, making his vision blurry.

He smiles to himself. What should he do now? He thought. Is he that brave? He has always been a coward, he thought to himself. Running away from the harsh reality and living in his own world, like he is doing now. He has no guts to face the truth, the reality. Am I weak? He whispers to himself, voice shaking from the miserable headache.

He stares at the tv, as if hoping the tv will provide him the answer he was searching for. But the tv remains blank. Lifeless and blank.

He smiles again. Maybe he is losing his sanity, little by little. Waiting an answer from a tv? His sanity must be washing away, he thought. But he didn’t care. Whatever happens, happen.

The clock strung midnight. The twelve sounds the clock is making echo through the house.

He gets up, walking towards the kitchen. He remembers, today is the day. He prays silently, that perhaps, this time, this one time, God is ready.

Still in his half-conscious state, he takes the kitchen knife and…..

The next day, the entire Korean nation is shocked with the news of a suicide of the leader of the most famous Korean band, Jung Yunho. A month before, the other four members were involved in a tragic accident. The members, Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun, Kim Junsu and Shim Changmin, died after been hit by a drunk lorry driver on their way home from the dry cleaning shop. The leader, believed to experience a severe trauma, slit his wrist last night, which was the day of their seventh year’s anniversary as a group, at their residence. He is buried at the same cemetery his friends are resting, as it was his last request, found written on a piece of paper in his bedroom.

_End_

The Dilemma of Yoosu's Daughter

2008-02-09T02:00:27Z

Title: The dilemma of Yoosu’s daughter

Summary: Yoosu adopted a charming little girl named Kang Hanna, aged 3, from the orphanage. She is pretty and intelligent, but can be quite cunning sometimes.

20. The first day Hanna arrives home, she wonders why the man in front of him is smiling brightly like a fool, and the other, a shorter one, is crying his eyes out saying, “Thank you Yoochun!” over and over and over again.

19. When Yoochun tells Hanna to call him Appa, she asks back, “Who are you?” and scrunches her small cute face.

18. A few moments later, when Junsu tells Hanna to call him Umma, she runs away to Yoochun screaming, “Appa, who is that?”

17. Hanna loves it when she plays hide and seek with her Appa. Everytime, Yoochun would hide at the same place. In the bathroom, behind the shower curtain. So predictable…

16. Hanna loves it when she plays hide and seek with her Umma. Everytime, Yoochun would tell her where Junsu is hiding.

15. When Junsu wouldn’t let Hanna eat her chocolate bars, Yoochun would pretend to scold her for eating too much sweet stuff. When Junsu is out of sight, he will pull out a bigger bar from his pocket and gives it to Hanna just to earn a kiss from her.

14. Hanna loves it when her parents watch romantic movies together. She can sneak into the kitchen to steal chocolate chip cookies from the jar because her parents will never notice.

13. When it comes to bedtime, Yoochun and Junsu will kiss her forehead. Or else, she will have nightmares all night, usually involving a giant bar of chocolate that swallows her parents up. And sometimes, Uncle Minnie. The one who swallows, of course, not the one being swallowed.

12. When they visit Uncle Yunho and Uncle Jaejoong’s house, she loves to bully Sabaek, but pretends to take care of him when the adults are around. Sabaek hates her, but why should she care what Sabaek thinks?

11. Hanna loves it when Uncle Minnie comes to visit. He helps her to steal cookies from the jar, especially if it is placed in a high place. He is really tall, after all.

10. Uncle Yunho and Uncle Jaejoong would buy her ice cream when they take her and Sabek for a walk at the park. She would push Sabaek until his ice cream falls and tells Uncle Yunho that Sabaek clumsily drops his ice cream. Then she pulls out her tongue at Sabaek, claiming her victory.

9. Hanna loves when Appa and Umma take her to the park for a walk. She can ask for any sweets she wants. If they refuse to buy her any, she just throws tantrums and screams loudly. They are the ones who will be embarrassed, not her.

8. When they ride in the car, Hanna will stand at the back seat, between the front driver and passenger sits. When her parents ignore her and just talk to each other, she will cup her hands on both of their lips.

7. When Hanna cups her hand on his lips, Yoochun would pretend to bite her fingers, but ended up kissing them.

6. When Hanna cups her hand on his lips, Junsu would laugh his heart out and takes her to sit on his lap at the front passenger seat, giving her a wet kiss on the cheek.

5. When they are at a music video filming location, people will kiss her and tell her how pretty she is. She will just say, “I know. I take after Appa.” Yoochun taught her to say that.

4. When they are at a music video filming location, if she gets boring, she will throw one of her famous tantrums. People will tell her how stubborn she is. She will just say, “I know. I take after Umma.” Yes, yes, Yoochun taught her to say that, too.

3. When Appa and Umma fight, Hanna will ask sadly, “Appa and Umma don’t love Hanna anymore?” Yoochun and Junsu will stop fighting immediately to give her a hug.

2. When they have stopped fighting, Hanna will make them swear not to fight again or she will go and live with Uncle Minnie and not come back home again.

1. When Appa and Umma ask who Hanna loves most between the two of them, she always end up saying “Uncle Minnie!”

The dilemma of Jaeho's Son

2008-02-09T01:58:36Z

Title: The dilemma of Jaeho’s son

Summary: Jaeho adopted a boy named Wang Sabaek from the orphanage. He is 4 years old and is extremely cute and adorable.

20. When Yunho tells Sabaek to call him Appa on the first day he got home, the boy cries for ice cream and kicks Yunho’s knee, making him jump around in pain.

19. When Jaejoong tells Sabaek to call him Umma on the first day he got home, his face scrunches. Why Umma doesn’t have breasts?

18. When Sabaek asks Jaejoong why he doesn’t have breasts, Jaejoong will only point to Yunho and says “Appa has those!” and laugh his heart out. Sabaek will ask again, “why?”, but jaejoong will continue to laugh until his tears come out.

17. When Uncles Yoosu comes to visit, they always make loud noises in the bedroom. Not to mention their daughter Hanna, who always bullies him.

16. When Uncle Changmin visits, they fight for the game controller and who gets to eat the extra cone of ice cream during dessert. To make it worse, Uncle Changmin always teams up with Hanna.

15. When Appa and Umma watch romantic movies, Sabaek always ended up being sent to bed early. Even though it’s only 6 p.m.

14. When Appa dances, he will try to teach Sabaek the steps. But all Sabaek wants to do is play video games.

13. When Umma cooks, he will try to teach Sabaek the recipes. But all Sabaek wants to do is play video games.

12. When they go for a walk in the park, people will look at them with strange looks. Sabaek guess maybe because his Appa has breast but his Umma doesn’t. But he didn’t care because the both of them will take turns to piggyback him when he is too lazy to walk.

11. When Umma gives him a second cup of ice cream, Appa will scowl at Umma and him. But when Appa goes to watch the tv, Umma will wink cheekily at him and give him the third cup and stuck his tongue out at Appa’s direction.

12. Once, Umma told Appa to go buy baby powder, but Appa came back with two kilos of flour.

10. Once, Umma told Uncle Changmin to go buy baby powder, but he came back with two boxes of ice cream that he doesn’t want to share with Sabaek, well, not until Umma scolded him. And Uncle Changmin surrendered.

9. Uncles Yoosu came back with rubber ‘balloons’ in a box, strawberry scented, and went straight to the bedroom. And make loud noises again. Sabaek wonders if they are trying to kill each other in there.

8. On his second attempt, Appa came back with a bottle of baby lotion. Umma scolded him but Appa didn’t care because he is really proud that he has gotten soooo close to buying the right thing.

7. When they are at a music video filming location, people will pinch his face and tell him how adorable he is. Appa and Umma will smile proudly and hug him. But all Sabaek wants to do is play video games at home.

6. Before going to sleep, Appa and Umma will take turns every night to read him bedtime stories. When it comes to Appa’s turn, Sabaek will end up listening to recorded Dong Bang Shin Ki’s songs. From the CD player. Appa? At the living room, watching ESPN.

5. When it is Umma’s turn, Sabaek will fall asleep as soon as Jaejoong starts to tell him the hundredth time, a story of how Appa and Umma fall in love.

4. Every night, Umma will ask Sabaek what he would like to have for dinner. Somehow, Appa will get whatever he wants to eat for dinner after he kisses Umma on the cheek and Umma blushes. Sabaek’s request will be forgotten.

3. When they go out for shopping, Umma will do all the buying and Appa will do all the carrying. Sabaek? He will eat the ice cream Umma bought for him and wishes he could just play the video games at home.

2. When Appa and Umma fight, Sabaek will hold their hands together and put them at his heart. It is his secret weapon. Appa and Umma will make up soon after. Oh yes, he IS smart...

1. When Appa and Umma ask who Sabaek loves most between the two of them, he always end up saying “Ice cream!” or “Video games!” and they would both laugh their hearts out and hugs him tight, never wanting to let go.

Thanks For The Memories (PART 2)

2008-02-09T01:57:16Z

Title: Thanks for the memories

Pairings: JaeHo

Summary: I never thought that this can take away everything that we have. Everything is changed, everything is unfamiliar, everything is different now. But one thing will remain the same, that is, my love for you. I might forget your name, your voice and your face, but never will I forget your love. I promise.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In the future, will I forget your name, your face, and our love?

You walk around the house.

Confusion surrounds you, like a thick, brick wall.

You can see that there are notes plastered on the wall, everywhere.

A note saying ‘This is the fridge’.

A note saying ‘This is the bedroom’.

A note saying ‘Your name is Kim Jaejoong’.

A note saying ‘Jung Yunho loves Kim Jaejoong’.

You feel lost, confused.

Nothing is making any sense.

A sudden headache makes you want to scream.

You clutch your head, trying hard to collect any bit of memory that is still there in your mind.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

What is happening?

“Where am I?” You thought.

“Why am I here?”

“Who is this ‘Kim Jaejoong’?”

“And who is ‘Jung Yunho’?”

The headache becomes unbearable by the seconds.

You feel helpless, don’t know what to do.

You collapse at the kitchen floor.

Your head greets the cold floor with a loud thud.

The pain makes you dizzy even more.

But you are too weak to even lift your hand.

You close your eyes, praying that maybe the pain will go away.

Suddenly you can feel strong arms hold you tight and take you to the bedroom.

Upon arriving at the bedroom, the person hands you a blue capsule and a glass of water.

You take the medicine.

Your headache disappears instantly.

“You ok, Jae? You were screaming and…and…. I was scared…I thought….I thought something bad happened to you…”

“It’s ok, Minnie. I’m fine now. And why are you talking like that to me? You should address me as hyung, remember? Show a bit of respect, Min.”

He lowers his head.

Tears flow down slowly on his cheeks. “I thought I was going to loose you…”

“Minnie, don’t cry. I wasn’t scolding you. I was just reminding you…”

You take the crying man into your arms and hug him tight.

“It’s ok, Minnie. I’m sorry if I said something harsh. Just, don’t cry…”

The man didn’t response.

“It’s just not proper to call me Jae. Next time, call me Jae-hyung, ok?”

Silence.

“I’m not scolding you. Don’t cry now, ok?”

You try to comfort the crying man.

You never hear his soft whisper.

“I’m Yunho, Jae. Yunho.”

The memories I have with you, is now turned into ashes.

You stare at the three people sitting in front of you.

“Who are they?” You wonder.

“Jae, remember them? This is Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin. They are your band members.”

“Band members?” You try desperately to recollect any memory, but nothing came to mind.

Nothing.

Total blankness.

You start to frown.

Sensing your confusion, Yunho answers himself.

“It’s ok if you don’t remember, Jae”. He places his hands on yours lovingly.

“Sorry, I have become rather forgetful these days.” You try really hard to cover your embarrassment.

“It’s ok, Hyung.” The man sitting at the middle answers you.

“Yoochun, why don’t you get them some water?” You ask the man holding your hand.

At those words, Yunho let out a silent gasp.

Yoochun, upon hearing his name being mentioned, turn to face Jaejoong, confused.

But what’s more confusing is that he finds that he is not the one Jaejoong is talking to.

Jaejoong is talking to Yunho instead.

Yunho just nod his head and goes to the kitchen to make drinks.

He turns around and sends an apologetic smile to Yoochun, who smiles back sympathetically.

His eyes are full of sorrow.

“So, what do you guys work as?”

“Urm, we are singers, hyung. Don’t you remember us? DBSK? Yunho, Jaejoong, I’m Changmin, this is Junsu and this is Yoo…”

“I’m Micky.” Yoochun suddenly interrupts. He did not want his hyung to feel confused, having 2 Yoochuns at the same time.

“Singers? That’s great. But I never sang before. You all must have confused me with someone else. There are a lot of people walking around, looking alike these days.”

You laugh.

The other three remain silent, do not know what to do.

After a while, Yunho arrives with 5 glasses of lemonade.

“So, what were you guys talking about?” Sensing the cold atmosphere, Yunho tries to make a conversation.

“Oh, nothing much. They just said I’m in their band. Jaejoong, whoever that is. Must have mistaken me with someone else.” You answer.

“And they did mention Yunho. Who is he, Yoochun? Is he famous?” You tug at his sleeves.

“I see. Just drink this, dear.” He hands you a glass of lemonade.

You take the glass and drink.

Yunho bends his head, trying to hide the sorrow in his eyes.

The other three just look at each other, not knowing what to do.

All of a sudden, Yunho stands up, take you into his arm and walks over to the kitchen.

He puts you down in the toilet and tells you to stay.

You can’t help but wonder what’s wrong.

But you choose to obey him. So you stay.

Yunho comes back to the living room, with a wet towel, detergent, and a small pail filled with warm water.

“Sorry…” He murmurs to the other band members.

“He just…doesn’t have any control anymore.” He continues, his head hung low, slowly brushing a spot on the sofa.

Upon seeing the trail of yellow liquid on the sofa where used to be Jaejoong’s place a few minutes ago, Junsu bursts into tears.

The other two just nod, saying “It’s ok, hyung. Really.”

What will happen in the future? Will I be just an empty shell?

“Hyung, I never knew that his situation is as bad as this.”

“It’s ok, Yoochun. He is my responsibility now, so I will try to make him as comfortable as possible.”

Yunho is talking to Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin at the studio.

“What is the disease, actually?” Changmin asks, curious.

“It’s Alzheimer. The disease where the mind dies before the body.”

“It pains me to see him like that. I mean, he used to be so cheerful, and happy, and…and…” Junsu can’t hide his tears anymore.

“It pains all of us, Junsu.” Yunho answers, taking him into his arm, trying to comfort the second youngest.

“Did you try to get any treatment?” Changmin, always being the problem solver, ask.

“I tried, but the doctor says that there is no use to it. There is an eraser in his mind that will erase his memory one by one. And there is nothing we can do to stop it.”

“Nothing? Nothing at all?” Yoochun asks, not satisfied.

“Yes. Nothing at all. All I can do is watch him forgets me…”

The other three look sympathetically at their leader.

You’ll always have my love, and I’ll always have yours.

You turn to see the man kneeling beside your wheelchair.

“Who is this?” You thought to yourself.

But no actual words came out of your mouth.

You forget how to pronounce the words.

So what’s making you alive these days are only your thoughts.

He smiles at you, taking your right hand with his left.

“How are you, Jae? I’m Yunho.” He introduces himself.

You wonder who he is talking to.

Your name is not Jae.

Your name is….well, you forgot what your name is.

But you don’t think it’s Jae. Or is it?

No, you thought. It can’t be Jae.

“Here, I have a flower for you.”

He hands you a bouquet of pretty daisies with his other free hand.

“You used to like them so much…” He whispers.

“Because they portray innocence, you always say.”

“Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin send their lovely regards.”

You wonder who are these Yoochun, Junsu and Chagmin. Do they know you?

“I hope you are happy here…” You can hear the man whispers, looking around at the private hospital you are staying in.

“Is this your drawing? May I see?” He took the drawing book on your lap.

You don’t know whether it is yours or not. You simply forgot.

It has the writing ‘By Kim Jaejoong, in memory of Jung Yunho’ on the cover.

So it must be someone else’s.

Upon seeing the pictures inside, the man beside you fell silent.

He is now bowing his head, and you wonder why.

When he lifts his head up, you see a stream of tear falls down his smooth cheek.

“Thanks, Jae.”

You wonder again why he cries.

You look at the drawings. There are a lot of drawings, nice drawings, but of the same person.

The person kneeling next to you.

You wonder who the artist is.

“You’ll always have my love, Jae. And I’ll always have yours. It doesn’t matter if you remember or not, I’ll always be here to remind you of our love.”

“This man is so strange.” You thought to yourself.

He cries, pulling you closer into a tight hug.

You didn’t react.

But deep down, in your heart, you feel a pang of happiness.

You don’t have any idea why.

-The end-

A/N: Just a few random notes to help you understand the story better. The reason why Jaejoong didn’t forget Yoochun is because the strong bond they share in real life. And Jaejoong remembers ‘Uncle Park’ because he used to go and accompany Yoochun to visit his father in the States. (Let’s just assume it’s true, shall we?). And the reason why he didn’t forget Changmin is because he has always acts as the guardian towards the youngest. And he keep forgetting Yunho because Yunho had been his recent memories, and when you have Alzhemeir, the memories you will forget first are the recent ones ( I conducted a research about this.)

Thanks For The Memories (PART 1)

2008-02-09T01:54:59Z

Title: Thanks for the memories

Pairings: JaeHo

I’m sorry for all the troubles I’ve caused you…

You wake up to find that the whole place is in a total mess.

“Where am I?” You muttered, confused.

You can see a few broken frames and a broken vase lies on the floor.

Inside one of the broken frame, there is a picture of the most important person to you.

You drew the picture yourself.

The chair in your room is turned upside down.

The bed sheet is torn here and there.

That’s right, you remember.

You are on the bed. In your bedroom.

Your eyes darted around the room.

You spotted someone is lying at the far corner of the room.

His chest is moving rhythmically, up and down.

His left hand covers his face.

“He must be sleeping…” You thought.

“But why is he sleeping on the floor?” You wonder.

You get out of bed and wake the other man.

“Hey. Yunho. Wake up. It’s morning.”

The man stirs a bit, and then opens his eyes.

The moment you see his eyes, you feel warmth sweeps all over your body.

“His eyes are so mesmerizing.” You thought to yourself.

And so does the smile that appears on the man’s lips.

“Hey, Jae. How are you today?”

“I’m fine, Yunho. Silly, why are you sleeping on the floor?”

Tell me, what is wrong with me?

(FLASHBACK….)

“Get out of here!” You shouted at the stranger.

You throw the vase on you bedside table toward him.

He ducked successfully.

“Jae, calm down. It’s me...” The man tried to talk some sense into you.

“I don’t know you! Who the fuck are you? And get out of my room!!!”

“It’s me, Yunho…Remember?”

“Get the hell out, you psycho!”

You threw a photo frame. His photo frame. The one you drew for his birthday.

This time it hits the target.

The stranger’s right arm bleeds.

“Serves you right, intruder!” You continue to throw things at him.

Anger and insecurity guide your actions.

Suddenly you can’t see clearly, as if exhaustion has swallowed you. Completely.

All you can see is white dots, moving around, making you feel dizzy.

“Stay away from me!!” was the last words you managed to shout at the stranger.

And his teary eyes are the last thing you see before you fell into total darkness.

Saying sorry will never be enough. I beseech for your forgiveness…

“Yunho, did I do something bad last night?”

You feel stupid to ask, because you know it was you even though you could not remember a single thing. The mess in the bedroom explains it all.

“It’s ok, Jae. Don’t worry…”

The man before you smiles serenely, then taking a sip of his orange juice.

“I’m sorry, Yunho…” You whisper, almost too soft for anyone to hear.

But the man sitting in front of you just look at you with his warm eyes.

“It’s alright. Everything will be fine.” He flashes you his most charming smile.

But his eyes are betraying his word.

His eyes are sad, as if they are crying.

His eyes look tired, exhausted.

You, on the other side of the table, didn’t touch you breakfast.

Something is bothering you.

“Why are you not eating, Jae? I made the omelet. It might not be as good as yours, though…” He chuckles.

“Yunho, why am I not the one cooking?”

“Well, remember, the last time you cooked, you almost burned our house?” He chuckled again, trying to sound as if he is joking.

Then everything hits you.

You almost burned the house down.

Because you forgot to switch off the gas after you made dinner.

You remember the heat, the flame, the frantic shouts.

At that time, you only managed to cry.

Yunho had a severe burn on his arm and leg while trying to rescue you.

You, however, were uninjured.

But he kept telling you its fine.

It doesn’t hurt at all.

As long as you are safe, it’s fine.

When all the bad memories come back, your eyes start to water again.

“I’m sorry, Yunho…”

You feel that you can’t apologize enough.

He has taken good care of you, and the only thing you have done was to hurt him.

“I’ve been really forgetful these days...” More tears stroll down your rosy cheeks.

“Everything’s fine, Jae. Don’t worry.”

“But what if I forget again?”

“It’s ok, silly. You have me to remind you.” Yunho gets up from his seat and hugs you tightly.

“Sshhh…Don’t cry…” He whispers, his voice shaky.

He places a warm, gentle kiss on your forehead.

“You too, Yunho. You can’t cry too.” You say as you wipe away the tears that are flowing on his cheek.

“I won’t.”

What have I become? I don’t even recognize myself anymore…

“Jae, surprise!” Yunho walks into the house, arms wide open.

A beautifully wrapped box is in his right hand and a bottle of wine in the other hand.

“Jae?”

The first place he look is in the bathroom. No sign of Jaejoong.

He walks into the kitchen.

No one.

He starts to feel worried.

“Where could he have been?” He wonders.

The clock shows 10 p.m. Jaejoong never went out alone this late without telling him, he thought.

It is Christmas Eve, and Yunho is hoping to celebrate it with the person he loves most at their cozy little home, only to find the house empty.

He searched in the backyard, in case Jae is there, taking care of his garden

But he found no one.

His heart starts to beat fast and quick, it feels like his heart is about to explode inside his chest.

He leaves the present on the kitchen table and storms out of the room, looking everywhere, in desperate search for Jaejoong.

He shouts jaejoong’s name all his heart, ignoring the people throwing strange looks at him.

They will never understand.

He never expects anyone to understand.

No one will understand how much Jaejoong means to him.

He runs along the busy street. After three hours of futile search, he plans to report to the police station.

Suddenly, the thought hit him like lightning.

Maybe Jaejoong is at that place.

He turns around and run with all the power he can master,

Tears are now stinging his eyes, making his vision blurry.

But he didn’t care.

He continues to run to where his feet are taking him.

He arrives 5 minutes later at the old cherry blossom tree, when the snow starts to fall.

There, under the tree, a small figure crouched silently, with a small grocery bag tight in his hands.

“Jae…” Yunho approaches the shaking figure.

“Yunho!” Upon seeing Yunho, he flings himself to the man’s arms, looking relief.

“Are you alright?” Yunho asks, his voice thick with emotion.

“I’m sorry, Yunho. It is Christmas Eve, and I wanted to celebrate it with you. So I went out to buy wine and some stuff, but I forgot the way to the store. And I wanted to go back home and wait for you so we can go together, but I forgot the way home either! I was so scared, Yunho…I didn’t know what to do…” Jaejoong explains, all the while tears flowing don his cheek.

“How did you ended up here?” Yunho asks again, cupping Jaejoong’s face.

“I don’t know. I just walk and I ended up here. I never been to this place, but somehow it seems familiar.”

“You…never been to this place?”

“Never, not even once. But I’m glad you found me, Yunnie. I was really scared!”

Yunho can’t hide his tears anymore. How can Jaejoong forgets this place?

The place they met for the first time.

The place he proposed to Jaejoong.

The place where he and Jaejoong seldom visit before Jaejoong got sick.

“Yunho, I’m cold…” Jaejoong’s sudden plea snaps Yunho out of his thoughts.

Then only he realizes that the smaller man is shaking in his arms.

He take off his coat and put it on Jaejoong’s shoulder, making sure that Jaejoong is feeling warm.

They walk back to their home in silence, holding each other’s hand, unwilling to let go.

Yunho shivers when the cold wind blows against his face and small frame.

He shudders again when the wind won’t stop blowing in his face, sending slow flakes on his eyelashes.

“Yunho, are you cold? You are shivering.”

“No, Jae. Your hands warm me up.”

Why can’t I remember anything?

“Jae, I’m going off to work. At the studio. You be good at home, ok?”

He kisses your forehead, and then the top of your head.

“Where are you working?”

You ask, absentmindedly, not taking your eyes off the television screen.

“At the studio, dear.”

He answers patiently.

“Ok, see you, Uncle Park.”

You didn’t see the shock on his face, because you were too busy watching your favourite sitcom.

He smiles again, and starts walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?” You shout at him from the sofa.

“To work, dear. Take good care of the house, ok?”

“Where are you working?”

His voice trembles as he answers you.

“The studio, Jae.”

“Ok, bye!” You chirped happily, not looking at him even once, attention is focused on the screen.

His head just hang low, as if trying to conceal his sadness from the whole world.

Then, he slowly walks out of the door.

One Shot: Beauty Is A Curse

2008-02-08T16:31:12Z

Title: Beauty is a curse

Summary: Jaejoong is kidnapped by a mysterious admirer who turns out to be…

“You sure you can go home by yourself, Jae?” Your best friend, Yunho, calls from inside the car.

You feel thankful inside, to have such a good friend.

Sometimes, the both of you have to compromise to fulfill the fanservice. But the both of you never take it seriously. You two have been like brothers for too long.

“Yeah, positive. It’s only a few minutes walk from here. Don’t worry. Good night and drive safe!” You answer.

“Ok, if you said so. Good night.”

You watch him drive along the quiet road, then his car disappears into the silent night.

The road is deserted. Nobody is there, except for you and the flickering street lamp.

The sound of an owl singing can be heard from a distant. The night crickets add to the eerie of the night.

Suddenly you feel exhausted.

The interview that takes twice as long as it should be really drained your energy. Luckily, you thought, your house is just a few meters from the studio.

You start to walk a few steps when suddenly you have this strange feeling that a pair of eyes is watching you.

“Someone there?” You ask into the dark night that is threatening to swallow you. You receive no reply.

You continue to walk, minding your steps. The road is damp and slippery. Maybe because of the rain earlier, you thought silently.

Then, suddenly, you hear a faint sound of uncontrolled breathing. You stop dead on your track.

Your heart does a double flip.

Then, you capture a sound of footsteps.

“Who is there?” You pray silently that nobody will answer your question.

Your pray is answered. Nobody answer your silly question.

You start to pace up your steps. You can hear the breathing becoming closer.

And closer.

You start to run. The sound of faint footsteps earlier is becoming more audible.

You pray that this is only a nightmare. A bad one. You start regretting not to accept Yunho’s offer to drive you home.

You run all your might, when suddenly hear a faint voice that sounds rather familiar whispering on your ears.

“Don’t run, baby.”

That was the last thing you hear after you feel a sudden powerful blow on the back of your head. After that, everything went pitch black.

When you wake up, the smell of lavender suddenly attacks you nose. The smell is so strong, you fell dizzy.

You try to focus your sight. You didn’t know where you are now. Everything is so unfamiliar.

You notice that your hands are tight together at your back. Your mouth is also tight with a piece of white cloth.

You try to scream, but only muffled sounds come out from your mouth.

You try to move, to escape from this place. Then, when you really focus your sight, you gasp.

Every inch of the wall in the room is covered with your posters and pictures.

The desktop that is on the far side of the room plays your group’s song, the one titled ‘Begin’. Except, it keeps playing your part, the part that you sang solo, over and over again.

You begin to feel scared.

All of a sudden, you hear a familiar voice.

“Hey baby, how are you? Have you been a good boy?”

A man enters the dark room. You turn around to see his face.

‘Mmphhh…’ is the only sound that escapes through your redden lips.

“I hope I didn’t scare you.” He smiles serenely at you.

“I guess you are wondering why am I doing this to you, eh? Well, let me tell you a story about my undying love for you.”

“Mmphhh!!!”

“I have been loving you for years, baby…”

“Can you smell it? Lavender. Your favorite perfume. It always reminds me of you.

“And to make sure that I can see you all the time, I have put up all these pictures of yours on the wall. So that I can see you whenever I miss you, baby….”

A single tear runs down on your kidnapper’s smooth cheek. Then another tear follows.

He didn’t bother to wipe them away.

‘Crazy!’ You scream in your mind.

“But what did you do for a reply?”

You try to shift your body, but fail.

You continue to look at your kidnapper, bewildered.

“You get closer with Yunho. And what’s worse, you try to fulfill the fanservice. Yunjae? Jaeho? Bullshit!”

Your kidnapper suddenly screams, his facial expression change.

“I was there with you, all the time. All the while, you never see me.”

You move uncomfortably in your position.

“I have always love you, look after you. But you never see me. Why is that, baby?” His expression softens.

“I love you, and only you…”

“I lived my life only for you, and I was always there when you needed me…”

“I was willing to sacrifice everything for you…”

“I even wrote songs for you! Didn’t you notice that I wrote them for you, and you only?”

He walks in front of you, left and right, left and right.

“But you only have Yunho in your eyes! Is he that good??! What does he have that I don’t? Answer me!” He suddenly turns aggressive, shaking your whole body with mighty hands.

Suddenly he slaps you in the face. Hard.

You feel the searing pain in your face. You can feel your lips shivering. Bleeding. You swallow your own blood.

You want to reply, but only muffling sounds come out from your mouth.

‘This is just a misunderstanding’. You thought. A crazy misunderstanding.

“You are beautiful, Jaejoong. Yes, the most beautiful creature on earth. I really admire your beauty. That is the reason I fall in love with you in the first place, I guess.”

He chuckled at his own words. His expression softens once more.

“Your beauty is mesmerizing. You realize that, baby?”

He kneels next to you and touches your rosy cheek.

“You are beautiful, my Jaejeoong…”

You turn away from him, making him surprised.

“Why, baby?”

You just keep the distance of your face away from his hand.

“Are you uncomfortable? Poor baby. Here, let me help you…”

Slowly, he starts to undo the cloth in your mouth that is preventing you from speaking.

After the cloth is removed, he quickly attacks you with a sudden and aggressive kiss on your red lips.

“Don’t you find it’s funny, Jaejoong, what people say. Beauty is a curse. And it’s true.”

“Yoochun!” Muffled screams can be heard from your prisoned lips. “Noooo!!!”

-The end-

Chapter 8: The Last Farewell

2008-02-08T16:22:49Z

Chapter 8: The Last Farewell

All the four members shiver as the cold wind of November slaps against their fair skin.

The sky is grey, as I reflecting their broken hearts.

Slowly, they enter the graveyard, which is now deserted and creepy.

Only the sound of hooting owls can be heard from a distance.

They walk at a snail's pace, and stop at a new freshly dug grave.

Yunho stands silently, two feet away, watching Junsu who is carefully placing a bouquet of white daisies on the tomb.

Junsu’s hands are trembling as he puts the fresh white flowers.

Changmin and Yoochun kneel next to Junsu, looking at the tombstone.

It says, RIP. Kim Jaejoong.

Yoochun got up to his feet, followed by the other two.

“Hyung…” He says to Yunho.

“At least he didn’t suffer that much, huh?” Yunho asks, not directing the question to anyone in particular.

His face is pale, as if all the blood in his face has been sucked out.

The other three just nod.

“He was a good man.” Junsu says. He grips Yoochun’s hands for support.

“Yes. And like a brother to me.” Yoochun agrees, tightening on Junsu’s grip.

“He was, to all of us.” Chagmin adds, holding his two hyungs on their shoulder.

“Farewell, Jaejoong,” Yunho whispers, loud enough for all of them to hear.

Then he let the tears he has been keeping all this while flow, like a river. “I am a human after all, Jaejoong. I laugh when I’m happy and I cry when I’m sad. I’m sorry I have to break my promise.” He smiles to himself amidst the flowing tears.

Chapter 7: The Shocking Truth

2008-02-08T16:20:52Z

Chapter 7: The shocking truth

After one month of therapy, Jaejoong’s condition gradually gets better. Now he can walk using the stick, instead of sitting all day in the wheelchair.

One night, while Jaejoong is at the kitchen, alone, preparing dinner, Yunho comes to him and sits down at the kitchen counter.

“Jae, will you forgive me if I lied to you?”

“What is the matter, Yunho? With the sudden serious tone…” Jaejoong feel awkward with the leader’s sudden change.

“I have been hiding the truth from you all this while.”

“What do you mean? I don’t understand…”

“Jae, the day you got into the accident, I went to see the doctor who treated you. And…”

“And what?” Jaejoong is becoming more impatient every second.

“He found out that…that you have blood cancer. Critical stage. I’m sorry, Jae. I really am.”

Jaejoong did’t reply he leader. Instead, his hands becomes numb and he lets go of the glass cup he is holding.

Upon hearing the sound of the glass breaking, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin quickly enter the kitchen to find out if anything is the matter. The sight of Yunho hanging his head low and Jaejoong who looks extremely pale as if he has seen a ghost, shock them.

“What’ts the matter, hyung?” Yoochun ask both of them, concern in his voice.

None of them replies him. Then, Jaejoong makes his way to his bedroom, not even looking at the other members.

With Jae gone, Yunho explains all the truth to the other members. Junsu’s tears fall silently, Changmin hugs Junsu tight for strength and Yoochun falls on his knees. No one said anything.

Yunho opens the door to Jaejoong’s bedroom. He can see the other man sitting by the window, looking at the street. He walks to him silently.

“Jae, are you angry at me?”

No reply.

“Believe me, it wasn’t my intention to hide the truth. I…I…”

“It’s ok, Yunho.” Jaejoong replies, without looking Yunho.

“It’s not ok! I tricked you!”

“You know you didn’t.”

“But I didn’t tell you! because I don’t want to burden you! With the therapy and all, I don’t want to lower your spirit!”

“How much time do I have?”

“You can try the operation, or…”

“How much time do I have, Yunho?” Jaejoong repeats his question, firmer this time, hoping he will get the answer he dreads to even hear himself.

“2 months.” The word that comes out of Yunho’s mouth is barely audible.

“I see. Yunho, I’m not mad at you. And thanks for all the things that you have done.” Jaejoong is now walking towards the leader.

“Promise me, when I’m gone, you’ll take good care of the others.” He whispers to Yunho when they are just a few feet apart.

“Jae, please…” Yunho intended to persuade Jaejoong to do the operation, but no words come out of his mouth. He is trying hard to prevent the crystal clear water from flowing. So hard, that his lips are shaking uncontrollably.

“I’m tired of treatments, Yunho. I know someday this day will come. My mother used to have this disease. And she died of it too. I used to hate her for not wanting to do the operation. But now I understand why.”

“But we can try…” His voice is now hoarse and tired

“No, Yunho. The fact that I only have 2 months to live is not going to change if I do the operation. You know that, right? That’s why you didn’t tell me about this earlier, right? You know there is no more hope for me.”

“….”

“Promise me you won’t cry, Yunho. For the sake of the others.”

“I promise.”

“Thanks, Yunho.”

“Jaejoong, I’m sorry for not being able to protect you…” He bites his lips to prevent himself from crying. Right now, he needs to be strong for everyone, and for Jaejoong.

“Silly, you have done a good job protecting us all this while…” With that, Jaejoong takes Yunho into his arms.

“I accepted my fate. And so should you.” He whispers to him.

Meanwhile, back at the kitchen, the other three members are still too shocked to say anything.

They just stay there, feeling helpless. Finally Changmin asks, “There is still the operation, right? We can persuade him to do the operation.”

“It’s the last stage, Min. Operation won’t be able to do much good. Now all that we need is a miracle.” Yoochun whispers, slowly getting up.

“I still can’t believe this,” Junsu says, slowly wiping away his tears.

“I’ll go and check on Jaejoong hyung,” Yoochun says, making his way towards Jaejoong’s room. When he reaches the bedroom, he sees Jaejoong hugging Yunho, and saying the words he never thought he’ll hear from the eldest mouth.

“I accepted my fate. And so should you.”

Now he knows what he should do. He is determined to make sure that his hyung will live the last 2 months of his life to the fullest, without having any regret.

The next morning, all five of them gather in the living room. No one feel like having breakfast, so they just sit in the couch, watching the morning news in pure silence.

“Guys…” Jaejoong starts the conversation, gaining all the other four members’ full attention.

“When I’m not here…”

“Don’t say that, hyung. Please…” Yoochun begs, his voice trembling.

“When I’m not able to take care of you guys anymore, promise me that you’ll take good care of each other, ok?” Jaejoong says, forcing a bitter smile. He wants to be strong for his friends’ sake.

“And I have one more request…”

“What is it, hyung?” Junsu asks, sadness clear in his face.

“Don’t tell my family about this ilness. I never want to see my mother weeping for me…”

“But…’ Changmin starts to protests.

“Please, this is my last request. Please…” He whispers, a single tear falls down his cheeks.

The others just nod in silence, agreeing their hyung’s last request.

-End of chapter 7-

Chapter 6: The Strong Soul

2008-02-08T16:18:28Z

Chapter 6: The strong soul

Yunho’s mouth drops open. Not only a fly, but a swarm of them could get into it.

“I…I’ll do the therapy.”

“Seriously? Hyung?” Changmin and Yoochun speak abruptly.

“Yes. He will…” Junsu smiles serenely, looking over from the back of Jaejoong’s shoulder.

“Yeah…Whatever.” Jaejonog replies with a shrug.

“This is good news!” Yoochun shouts happily, walking towards Jaejoong and gives him a hug. Junsu and Changmin follow shortly, all three of them hugging the now struggling Jaejoong. The three of them smile and laugh, not wanting to let go of Jaejoong. Jaejoong, on the other hand, was struggling playfully from his bandmates’ embrace, smiling.

“Sure you wanna do this?” Yunho suddenly broke the happy atmosphere.

‘Yeah. I figure, there is nothing much I can do if I am not able to walk.” Jaejoong replies, at the same time ruffling through Changmin’s hair.

“Ok then. I’ll find the best therapist for you.” Yunho replies and starts to walk to the main door.

“Yunho!” Jaejoong suddenly calls the band leader. Yunho turns. It was a few moments of awkward silence as they look at each other without saying a single word.

“Thanks. And sorry.” Jaejoong finally managed to blurts out the words. He blushes ands looks at his feet. His ego is not in control now, he thinks to himself.

“No problem…” Yunho replies with a smile, then darts out of the house.

“It might be difficult, but we can try. Many of my patients area able to walk again after sessions of therapy. “

“I’m counting on you, Shi Won.” Yunho has gone to meet his school friend, Shi Won, who is working as a therapist in order to ask for his help about Jaejoong’s condition. He has been meeting him for a few times, telling him all about Jaejoong’s condition

“I can’t guarantee how long it will take. From my experiences, it depends on the patient’s injury and most importantly, the determination to get better.”

“I understand. Don’t worry, all four of us have his back on this matter. We did not believe our ears at first, since he has been in denial for a few months. But suddenly, out of the blue, he wants to do the therapy. We are not sure why…. but at least we are happy with the news.”

“But Yunho, is it ok not to tell him everything?”

“I know what I am doing. As the group leader, I will protect him. And everybody else.” Yunho is determined to keep the secret to himself.

Back at home, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin can’t help but be thankful that their hyung is finally comes to his senses.

“I mean, I was thinking really hard, why won’t you just do the therapy?” Changmin was expressing his thoughts bluntly to Jaejoong.

“Changminnie, husshhh…” Yoochun tries to prevent Jaejoong from being mad at Changmin.

“It’s ok Yoochunnie. I realized I was a fool. Pride got in my way. I never knew that all of you care so much about me.”

“Of course, Hyung! We are a team, remember? And we love you!” Junsu hugs Jaejoong happily.

“But Yunho-hyung seems as if he is taken the blow not so well. He’s getting thinner by the day, isn’t he?” Yoochun voices out hid concern for Yunho.

“Yaeh. Sometimes he seems to be the one who is sick. Having two people in the house with a foul mood was not fun at all!” Junsu shrieks. “But I’m glad now Jaejoong-hyung is back to his usual self. You were so scary, hyung!”

“I was? Sorry, Junsu…And thanks to you all for taking care of me.”

“We love you, hyung! It was our job. So don’t mind it.” Yoochun truthfully says.

“So now, can you cook for us? Because Junsu-hyung’s cooking is…well, I prefer yours…” Changmin says slowly, looking over apologetically at Junsu.

“Yah! Chagmin! Do you know how hard it is for me to feed someone like you? You eat like an animal!”

“I know I do eat a lot hyung, but sorry…I guess I just love good food. That’s all. You can’t blame me on that, can you?”

“It’s ok, Junsu. Just forget him. He loves food more than us.” Yoochun manages to crack a joke to calm the situation down.

“You’re right about that, Chunnie!” Jaejoong agrees and all four of them laugh their hearts out.

“I’m home!” The sound of Yunho’s voice calling from outside the door turns their attention. Chagmin and Junsu run to the main door to open the door for the band leader.

“Hey guys.” Yunho greets them happily. “Jae, tomorrow your therapy session will start. I’ll take you there, ok? 9 am sharp.”

“Ok, Yunho. Thanks.”

“Can I come along too?” Junsu makes the cutest face and talks in his most childish voice.

“Me too, me too!” Changmin suddenly put up his right arm as if to answer a question.

“No, you guys will only cause trouble. Just stay at home and clean. Don’t worry, Jaejoong-hyung, Yunho-hyung. I’ll look after these brats tomorrow. I’m free after all.”

“Thanks Yoochun.” Yunho replies sincerely. “You two be good tomorrow, ok?”

“But I wanna go…” Junsu pouts. “I’ll be good if you buy me ice-cream afterwards.” Changmin chirps.

“Ok, I’ll buy you some ice-cream when we get back home…” Jaejoong tries to comfort the two youngest members. Their obsession of ice-cream sometimes scares him.

With that, Junsu’s face lighten up and he hugs Jaejoong tight. Changmin starts to clap his hand and laugh happily. “Chocolate, ok?” He tells jaejoong. “Ok, ok. Chocolate.” Jaejoong answers.

The next day, Yunho drives Jaejoong to the private hospital which belongs to is friend. The therapy session starts and Yunho can see the determination in Jaejoong’s face. “How can I break his spirit if he is so determined to get better?” He whispers to himself.

“Do your feet hurt?” Yunho asks Jaejoong on the way back home.

“A little. Don’t worry.” Jaejoong smiles back. Actually, he was lying. His feet hurt like hell, but he just endures it in silence. After all, he wants to be able to walk again. He holds his tears for fear that Yunho wants him to stop the therapy once he sees Jaejoong in pain. Right now, the pain does not matter to him. What matter is that he will recover and use his legs again.

“Ok…” Yunho replies. Deep in his heart, he was thinking, how can God do such thing? One after another misfortune. Jaejoong was a good person, one who is willing to forgive and forget anytime. The one who is so good to his family. The one who is loving and caring towards his friends. The one who is willing to lend a hand to those who need it. So why bestow this cruel fate upon him?

“Yunho, we missed the junction to our home…Are you fine?” Jaejoong’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

“Really? Oh, sorry. I was thinking about something. I guess we will just have to make a detour, then.”

“No problem. Oh, can you stop by at the convenient store first? We need to buy ice-cream for Changmin and Junsu. Or they will cry like babies. Hehe…” Jaejoong chuckles at the thought of the crying youngest members.

“Sure, I’ll buy ice-cream for them.” Yunho beams.

-End of chapter 6-

Chapter 5: The Shining Hope

2008-02-08T16:16:23Z

Chapter 5: The shining hope

Jaejoong cries silently on his bed. How could they treat him like that? As if he is fully handicapped? But he still feels sorry for them. He knows, they only have his best interest at heart. But still, his ego won’t let him apologize.

“Hyung, don’t be like that. Maybe he is a bit emotional, looking at his condition and all.” Yoochun tries to comfort Yunho.

But Yunho just storm out of the house, leaving the other three clueless about what to do.

“Well, kiddo, you finish the cake. Junsu, can you help me with Jaejoong-hyung’s stuff?”

“Sure. Min, clean the table after you finishes eating.”

“Ok, I will.”

In his room, Jaejoong has fallen asleep. He feels really tired after crying that he decided to sleep in his cloth, not bother to change into a pajama.

Yunho, on the other hand, gets into his car and slams the door shut. He drives to the nearest beach and just sat there, watching happy people doing happy things. ”I wish I could be in their place,” he thinks to himself. But he knows, he will not be able to smile like that in the near future, Jaejoong’s condition and his guilt is killing him. But though the other three members are with him and are willing to do anything to help, he still feels alone and helpless. He buries his face between his knees and empties his mind for a long time.

The next day, a little girl no older than five years old, holding his mother’s hand, appears at their doorstep. She is carrying a bouquet of roses and her mother is carrying a large box of cookies.

Ding… the bell rings.

“Um, good morning madam. Can I help you?” Junsu politely answers the door, a little shock to see an unfamiliar lady with his daughter on his doorstep.

“Good morning. Is this the house of Kim Jaejoong?” The pretty lady asks.

“Yes, he is inside. May I know who you are, please?”

“Well, actually, he saved my daughter from being hit by a car. I’m here to apologize because from what I heard, he is severely injured…”

“So that is the reason why Jaejoong-hyung got in the accident in the first place…” Junsu thinks to himself. Jaejoong never mentions the cause of the accident to them, as he said it is pointless to know, and knowing it will not be able to make him walk again.

“Well, why don’t you come inside and have a sit first. I’ll make you some tea,” Junsu offers.

“Thanks. Come, Han Na.” The mother softly pulls the daughter’s hand.

“Just make yourselves at home. I’m going to bring Jaejoong-hyung here and then make some tea, ok?” Junsu says as he smiles at the cute little girl, who grins back at him.

In his room, Jaejoong is trying to put his pants on. He insisted that he wants to dress himself, so Changmin just let him. Changmin has taken care of Yunho’s chore to bath him. And Yunho is nowhere to be seen today. After he came back yesterday, he went straight to his bed and this morning, he didn’t show up at the breakfast table. He is not surprise if Yunho is offended by what he did last night. It wasn’t really his intention, but emotion has got into his way and he did feel like he behaved like a spoiled little brat.

“Hyung, there is someone here to see you,” He can hear Junsu’s voice from outside. “What are you doing, hyung? You need any help?”

There it goes again, the sympathy. Sometimes he feels like screaming and telling everyone to stop to pity him. He can do everything by himself, for God’s sake! The only problem is that he is having trouble putting his pants on in a sitting position.

“Hyung?” Junsu patiently waits in front of Jaejoong’s room. “I’m coming in, ok?”

“What??” Jaejoong, in his usual hot-tempered-self (after the accident) barks at Junsu the moment he enters the room.

“Someone is here to see you. Need any help with the pants?” He politely asks, not wanting his hyung to be mad at him.

“Well, maybe a little…” Jaejoong whispers, feeling embarrassed and avoiding looking Junsu in the eyes.

“Ok, you are all set. Someone is waiting to see you in the living room. I’ll go and make some tea first.” Junsu says after finish dressing Jaejoong’s up.

Jaejoong wonders who can it be. His family has gone back to South Korea after they visited him in the hospital. His sisters, however, refuse to go back and insist that they will take care of him. Nevertheless, he won the argument by saying that they still have to go to work and he has his band members to take care of him.

When he arrives at the living room on his wheelchair, the little girl suddenly leaps at him. “Mummy, this is the mister who helped me!”

“Hello. I’m sorry for coming here without further notice. I got your address from the hospital. I’m Kang Hye Min. This is my daughter, Kang Han Na. You saved her, didn’t you? I want to thank you for what have you done. Thanks so much.”

“Well, it’s ok. Nothing much.” Jaejoong replies, looking at the little girl who is smiling serenely at him, handing him the pretty bouquet of flower she is holding. He smiles back.

“No, it must have been hard on you. Look at you, you are severely injured! And I heard from the doctors that you are paralyzed. I am so sorry…” The mother truthfully says, tears now streaming in her eyes.

“Look, I did that on my own will. Nobody forced me to do that.”

“But…”

“It’s ok, madam. Don’t worry.”

“Well, ok. I understand. Here. Have some cookies. I made these myself, as to show my gratitude.”

“Thanks…” Jaejoong mutters shyly, accepting the big box of cookies.

A moment later, Junsu appears with four cups of hot tea. They drink and talks about Jaejoong’s condition. It was really awkward for Jaejoong. So he stays silent unless someone asks him a question. Junsu, on the other hand, talks happily with their guests.

Han Na, on the other hand, insists that she wants to sit on Jaejoong’s lap. Junsu, who is afraid that it will affect Jaejoong’s recovery, takes Han Na and put her on his lap instead. Han Na is really happy and let out a delighted squeals, but still refuses to let go of Jaejoong’s hand.

“Mister, when can you walk again?” I want you to come and play with me at the park.” The little girl wails to Jaejoong, holding tight his left hand.

It strikes Jaejoong just like that. All of a sudden, he feels like he wants to walk again. He didn’t want to just accept his fate without fighting. He never was a loser, and he will never be. He has always been a fighter all his life, and the proof is when he faces his mother’s death.

“Someday, Han Na. Someday we can go to the park together…” Jaejoong whispers to the little girl. Seeing this made Junsu smiles pleasantly.

When it was time to go home, Han Na refuses to let go of Jaejoong’s hand. She insists that Jaejoong went home with her. After promising her that they will come and visit him again, she finally agrees to go home with her mother.

“She was cute, wasn’t she, hyung? Han Na, I mean…” Junsu asks Jaejoong. Seeing Jaejoong being silent makes him worry. Furthermore, the colour is stated to drain from Jaejoong’s already pale face. “Hyung?” He asks again, concerned.

“Junsu, I want to walk again. The therapy…I’ll try the therapy.” Jaejoong whispers silently, but loud enough for Junsu to hear.

Only tears can express Junsu’s feeling at that moment. Words will never be enough to describe how happy he was. It takes only a little girl to make his hyung realize, he thinks to himself.

-End of chapter 5-

Chapter 4: The Challenging Recovery

2008-02-08T16:14:53Z

Chapter 4: The challenging recovery

Jaejoong just refuses to do anything. He refuses to talk. He refuses to eat. He refuses to sleep. He even refuses to get any help from the nurses. He hates being dependent on others. He feels so useless, so unimportant, as if the meaning of living is taken away from him and he is left with no purpose to live.

However, the thing is, being paralyzed from the waist to feet causes Jaejoong not being able to control his bladder. So, he just wet his bed and realized it afterwards. He is so embarrass that he could not have any control anymore, and that he often wets his bed and causes his friends trouble.

He hates his life. If he is weak, he would have commit suicide. However, thinking that he used to hate people who commit suicide, he never proceeds with his plan. To him, people who commit suicide are weak and a coward, just like his birth mother. God, he hates even thinking about her.

All 4 members come and visit him regularly everyday. Because of the tight schedule, they take turns to come and keep him company. Yunho will help with the bath, Junsu will cook and feed him, Yoochun would take the dirty laundry and clean them, while Changmin will clean the room and take him for some fresh air outside, on the wheelchair. This is never an easy task as he is reluctant to go out, feeling embarrassed that now he is not even capable of walking.

One day, when Changmin manages to persuade Jaejoong to take some fresh air outside, he asks the oldest member. “Hyung, don’t you want to get better? You should not give up without trying. Maybe you should try the therapy suggested by Yunho-hyung. I believe that you can walk again someday...”

“Don’t want. No point.” Jaejoong tries really hard to answer, his lips shivering, his chest aching. Sometimes he wonders, did the accident caused him not being able to control his body any longer? He could not speak properly, could not walk… He better of be dead, isn’t he?

“But you haven’t tried yet, how do you know that you will not succeed?”

“No. Don’t want!”

“Hyung, I know that the doctor said only a miracle can make you walk again. But remember hyung, miracles do happen. You just need to have faith and believe in yourself.”

“Shut up.” With that, the conversation ends. Changmin knows better than to make Jaejoong mad. They continue their walk in a piercing silence.

At home, Junsu is cooking some chicken porridge for Jaejoong. He still can’t fully accept the fact that Jaejoong can’t walk anymore. Every time he thinks about it, he gets emotional and cries silently in his room. Yoochun would be the one who will comfort him and tell him that it is not his fault. It’s nobody’s fault.

Yunho, on the other hand, is trying hard to find a way to make Jaejoong agrees with him. Jaejoong refuses to receive any kind of treatment as he believes that he will not be able to walk again for the rest of his life. Even though the doctor says that only a miracle can make Jaejoong walks again, Yunho stubbornly believes that a miracle will happen. Someday. Miracles do happen, he convinces himself.

Yoochun just don’t know what to do, seeing Yunho being confused and all. All of them are tired from the hectic schedule of work, and they still need to tend to Jaejoong’s need. They decided that they won’t hire an assistant because they want to take care of Jaejoong themselves. “Outsiders can’t possibly understand him. But we do,” He insists.

Jaejoong is still in denial about the therapy. He would not receive any help or take any medication. When he refuses to take any medication, Junsu will cry and beg him to do so. Sometimes, he pretends like he swallowed the medication, but the truth is, he only swallows some air and spit out the medication when no one was looking.

Since the accident, Yunho has not been getting enough rest and sleep. He is getting thinner by the day and this makes the other 4 members worry. Most of the time, he spends his night at the hospital. He said that he wants to keep Jaejoong company so that he will not be lonely.

“Yunho-hyung, you need to eat something. And get some rest. You look really tired.”

“Thanks Yoochun, but I’m fine.”

“You look sick, hyung. Why don’t you take the day off and rest?” Changmin suggests.

“It’s ok, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

The thing is, Yunho seems like the worst person accepting the bad news. However, as the leader, he needs to stay strong for the sake of the other band members. Inside, he is so hurt and his heart aches. Sometimes, at night, he cries silently thinking about what had happened. He has only himself to blame for Jaejoong’s cruel fate.

“Yoochun, I’m going to the hospital to take Jaejoong-hyung home. Can you drive me there?” Junsu shouts from the kitchen.

“Sure, no problem. Just hold on a sec. I need to change to a clean shirt.” Yoochun answers from the living room.

“I want to come too, hyung!” Changmin puts down his game and begins walking to the kitchen to talk to Junsu.

“Changmin, have you cleaned your room? Now that Jajeoong-hyung is sick, he can’t clean it for you. And you know fairly well that nobody will clean it for you, except for Jaejoong-hyung.”

“Ok, ok. I’m planning to clean it tonight. I’ll do it after we get Jaejoong-hyung from the hospital.”

“Come, let’s go. Kiddo, switch off the tv. Junsu, can you take the car key form the kitchen counter? And where is Yunho-hyung?”

“He is in his room. Maybe we should ask him whether he wants to come too or not.” Changmin answers after turning off the tv.

“Yunho-hyung! Me and Junsu and Changmin are going to pick Jaejoong-hyung from the hospital. You wanna come?”

“Yup! Wait for a sec!” Yoochun hears a distant sound coming from inside the room.

After a couple of minutes, Yunho appears with a huge bouquet of flowers.

“This might cheer him up.” He smiles towards the other the members.

“I doubt that. Jaejoong-hyung has become extremely moody these days. Being in the hospital for two weeks changed him.” Changmin whispers to Junsu.

Being in the hospital for two weeks, under the pressure of not being able to walk again, did affect Jaejoong. The Kim Jaejoong who used to be friendly and caring is now cold, silent and scary. Well, at least Junsu thinks he is scary because Jaejoong gets mad easily. Real easy.

“It might cheer him up a bit, who knows…” Junsu replies.

“Come, let’s go” Yoochun says as he walks towards the main door.

“Maybe we can buy him a cake on the way. You know, just for celebrating his homecoming…” Junsu suggests.

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll stop by at the bakery first.” Yoochun replies.

At the hospital, Jaejoong is waiting for his friends to come and pick him up. He could not wait to be out of the hospital, which has been a place of torture for him. Even though the doctors told him that he is suppose to stay for three months, he stubbornly refuses and demands that he goes back home. Plus, he can speaks better now.

After some time, the four band members arrive with a bouquet of fresh daisies. They pack all of Jaejoong’s stuff and pull his wheelchair. After Yunho went to see the doctor, they all went back.

After arriving at the house, Junsu opens the cake box and they take turns hugging Jaejoong and wish him a speedy recovery. Upon hearing that, Jaejoong’s face turns red and he thinks to himself, “They are just trying to be nice. Calm down…”

But everything change as Yunho cuts the cake and try to feed Jaejoong. Jaejoong quickly push away Yunho’s hand, causing the cake and the spoon to fall on the floor. “I’m not a handicapped, if you didn’t notice! My hands are still working! All of you must think that I am pathetic, isn’t it? Well, don’t pity me! I don’t need your sympathy!” Jaejoong suddenly bursts out and leave the hall, into his room.

The other four members were too shock to say anything, and all four of them just stand there without saying or doing anything, except for Changmin who continues to eat the cake silently, looking guilty.

-End of chapter 4-

Chapter 3: The blood Brothers

2008-02-08T16:12:29Z

Chapter 3: The blood brothers

The doctors made an important decision, not to wait for his family members. He had lost so much blood and he needs blood transfusion as soon as possible. Waiting for his family members may take quite a huge risk. They can’t do that. So, they made a decision to do blood transfusion.

“Kim Jaejoong, which room?!” Yunho and Yoochun both scream at the nurse in the counter after arriving at the hospital.

The journey which was supposed to take 30 minutes got cut into 10 minutes. Yunho drove like crazy. Yoochun was praying hard next to the driver’s seat. Junsu was crying like a baby and Changmin looks helpless in his seat, looking like he is about to cry, too.

“Please calm down, sirs. And do not speak loudly in the hospital.”

“I’m sorry. Kim Jaejoong, which room is he in? He got into an accident earlier…” Yoochun managed to speak with a croaked voice as he and Yunho starts to calm down.

“Oh, that accident patient. He is still in the operation room. I’m sorry, but you have to wait till the operation is done. Meanwhile, the closest family, please fill in this form.”

While Yunho take the liberty of filling the form, the other 3 find a seat in front of the operation room and sit quietly. Junsu has stopped crying and is sobbing uncontrollably. Changmin asks Yoochun about what will happen to Jaejoong.

“Yoochun-hyung, do you think he can make it?” Changmin whispers.

“Let’s just pray and hope everything is fine. I’m sure it is.” Yoochun answers the youngest member, however, the look of uncertainty is painted on his face. Junsu started to cry again upon hearing Yoochun’s answer.

After finish filling in the form, Yunho finds his band members and sit on the empty seat, closes his eyes, praying hard that everything will be fine.

After about one and a half hour, the door to the operation room opens. All 4 of them rush to the doctor to ask about Jaejoong’s condition.

“He is in good condition for now. He will wake up in a few hours. But I have a bad news, I’m afraid. Sorry to say this, but he is paralyzed from his wrist to his feet. There is nothing we can do about it. We tried our best but still…” The doctor lowers his head.

“What? Paralyzed? That can’t be true, doctor. Please tell me it’s not true!” Yunho feels an immense wave of hopelessness, a single tear streaming down his cheek.

“I’m afraid he is. And during his recovery period, he might not be able to talk like he used to. The accident has caused a great tremor on his head, and it was severely injured. My advice is that you need to be careful and patient during the recovery period.”

“This can’t be true…” Yoochun whispers and runs to the toilet, covering his face that is drowning in tears.

Junsu and Changmin are hugging each other, crying silently, watching Yunho who looks guilty mumbling angrily to himself.

“This will not happen if I insisted to drive him to the store. It’s my fault!”

“This is not anyone’s fault, hyung. None of us wants this to happen. All we can do now is hope that Jaejoong-hyung will recover as soon as possible.” Changmin replies.

“May I see the closest family member? I need to talk about the patient.” The doctor says.

“I’m his friend, his family are all the way in South Korea. They will arrive later this evening. But you can talk to me. I am a close friend of the family.” Yunho replies with a croaked voice that sounds exhausted.

“Ok, come with me and we’ll talk in my office.”

“Sure.”

________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Yoochun is crying in front the bathroom mirror, he didn’t care that people who are in the bathroom are staring at him. They do not understand his anger, his pain. Why does this has to happen to Jaejoong? Paralyzed? He can’t simply comprehend the fact that his hyung, one of his closest friends, will not be able to walk in the future. “This can’t be happening…” he thought silently to himself. “I must be dreaming” He splashes some cold freezing water onto his face. Still, he did not wake up from the awful nightmare. Reality struck him like a lightning. He is not dreaming. Everything is real.

On the other hand, Changmin is trying to calm Junsu down, who is now crying hysterically. “Why does it has to happen Jaejoong-hyung???” He keeps repeating the same question. Changmin, unable to answer it, just hug Junsu and tells him to be quiet, and that everything is fine.

After an hour or so, Yunho comes back, looking more tired than before and found Junsu lying on Changmin’s lap, sleeping. However, Yoochun is nowhere to be seen.

“Yoochun isn’t back yet?” He asks Changmin.

“Nope. And Junsu just fall asleep while he was crying.”

“Poor Junsu. He must have been really worried.”

“All of us are…” Changmin whispers.

“I know…”

“When can we see Jaejoong-hyung?”

“After he gains consciousness. Until then, all of you should go home and change first. I’ll stay here in case he wakes up.” The leader is trying to be responsible.

“No, I want to stay here too. And I’m pretty sure Junsu won’t go back either.” Changmin says firmly.

“Ok, as you wish.”

“Hyung, what did the doctor said? Is Jaejoong-hyung going to be fine?”

“Huh?” Yunho looks surprised at the question. “Oh, nothing much. We just need to be patient taking care of Jaejoong. That’s about it.”

Shortly after that, Yoochun appears with swollen eyes. They did not need to ask where he had been and what was he doing.

‘Yoochun, you want to go back and change first?” Yunho asks.

“Nope, I’ll stay.” He says quietly and takes a seat next to Changmin.

They waited for 12 hours, until one of the nurses inform them that Kim Jaejoong has regained consciousness. All the sleepy and tired band members suddenly run to the room, to find Jaejoong, smiling weakly at them.

“Guys…” Jaejoong mutters weakly and lifts his body up and try to walk towards them. However, his attempt fails as he falls on the cold, hard floor.

The other members did not have enough time to prevent him from falling down. Silently, they hold and put him on his bed.

“Stand…” Jaejoong mutter to himself, the look of panic swipe all over his face.

“The thing is, you really can’t stand up, Jaejoong. You are paralyzed. I am sorry…” Yunho whispers weakly.

“No. ” Jaejoong speaks softly, as if speaking softly could solve the problem. “No.” He repeats his answer.

“Yes, you are, hyung. I am so sorry…” Yoochun tells Jaejoong seriously. Junsu and Changmin jus nod in agreement and try to control their tears.

“Liar…” Jaejoong whispers to them, a single tear running down his cheek.

-End of chapter 3-